No Mother’s Day For Me

June 2, 2016

To me, May means Mother’s Day.  It means another year has passed without a child of my own to make me some type of macaroni noodle necklace and hand made card.  Another year has passed that I have gone without sloppy baby kisses or hearing the best words in the world,

“I love you, Mama.”

Source: Beyond Words Designs

This Mother’s Day is the ninth since my first loss, the fourth since my second loss and the first since I was officially diagnosed with Unexplained Infertility. By all rights, I should be pregnant, it should be no problem, at least that’s what all the medical professionals say. That’s the hardest part, there’s nothing to fix, so that means any treatment is just a very expensive shot in the dark.

For me as an infertile, Mother’s Day is harder than any of the other holidays.  Being a mom is such an exclusive thing celebrated by, well, moms and their kids.  Christmas, Thanksgiving and the other major holidays are an entire family and national holidays celebrated by the masses, everyone wishing each other a happy holiday.  With Mother’s Day, an infertile feels like that little kid looking through the window of the candy shop watching everyone have fun and they are grounded and not allowed to go in.  Just watching on the outside so close you can feel it, taste it, smell it, long for it so much that it’s a physical ache, emotional agony.

The ways I get through Mother’s Day is to keep myself busy around the house.  Going out on that one Sunday a year is usually not the greatest idea for me.  Have a home date night with your significant other, read a book, take a candlelit bath! Others find comfort in spending time with their mom and just immersing themselves in the day.

You may be asking yourself as a friend or family member what you can do to help:

  • Acknowledge them!
  • Send them a text, email, Facebook message, a card, whatever you choose and just let them know you are thinking about them on Mother’s Day.  Easy as that, at least that’s what I wish people would do for me and what I try to do for others.

Here is what a woman I know has to say about it:

“Remember us and acknowledge that the day can be hard. Everything is geared toward something some of us may never have or feel like we may never experience, and it’s painful. A text, email, phone call to either take our minds off it or let us know you’re thinking of us on such a rough day would be nice. It sucks being ignored because I’m not a mom. It makes me feel so below them even though I want nothing else in the world!”


For my fellow infertiles, please know, you are not alone, you don’t have to stand alone, we are here with you holding each other up, cheering each other on and crying with you each new cycle.

Happy Mother’s Day. I will be thinking of all of you.

  • Mandy

    I have lived with infertility since 2007 and hope to give women with infertility a voice. I live in South Dakota with my pitbull, Bella and 2 cats. You can follow me on my blog.

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