People have had lots of opinions about my planned reproduction habits. A nurse told me to wait for at least a year after Cora died, it’s what she recommended. Others pressured me within months asking if I was going to have more. I’m not sure why it’s okay for anyone to have an opinion about the right time to try for another.
It’s been three years for me. I want another baby. In fact, this post was supposed to be about my journey trying to conceive after the death of my first baby, but it’s not the right time. I thought it was. I even announced it was the right time on my blog, and got so many excited notes from readers.
I’ve gained nearly 80 pounds since my daughter died, and I wasn’t tiny when she was conceived. I realized that it’s just not healthy for me to get pregnant, yet. I want to be pregnant again. The question, “Do you think you’ll have other children,” kills me. Yes, I hope I’ll have other children.
I know another child won’t replace Cora or fix my heart ache, but I always wanted a lot of babies. I love babies. It’s difficult being in limbo, wanting another baby but not being able to have one right now.
I know that I’m lucky though, some of you want another baby more than anything but will never be able to have one. With lots of hope and some hard work, I will have more babies. The waiting though sure isn’t easy. Setting aside the ovulation predictor kits, constant charting and hopes that each month might be “the month” was such a difficult decision. Hope isn’t gone, but it’s bottled up to be released later.
Sadly, I’m probably not alone on this either. I wish I were. But other moms long for babies, but can’t even try for them, much less grieve when a new cycle begins. It’s lonely sometimes here in limbo. Keep your hands tightly wrapped around that bottle full of hope, and know that one day you will be able to give trying to conceive a chance.
Holding my baby. Still longing for another.
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