Post by Still Standing Contributor Jessi Snapp of Luminous Light Studio

Sweet child – since you left my arms, I haven’t stopped searching for you. A part of me knows I will spend the rest of my life searching for you. Living for you. Breathing for you. Even though I know I will never find your physical presence here. I will still search high and low for the moments that bring me closer to you. For the sweet reminders of your love and your life. For the things that make this life still worth living for. I hold onto the hope that I’ll find you. Even if it’s just a glimpse of you.

I will search for pieces of your sweet spirit here on earth. From now until the end of time – I will look for you. Until we are reunited. Until we are fused back together. Until I can wrap my arms around you and know that I will never have to let you go. Until I know I will never have to say goodbye to you – ever again.

I will search for you beyond the pain. Beyond the heartache. Beyond the endless amount of tears. I will search for you long after I stop hearing your name. Long after the world has continued to spin and those around me have carried on. As days turn into weeks and weeks turn into years.

I will search for you in the beauty that has been left behind in this relentless world.

I will search for you in the moments of joy and laughter.

I will search for you in the rising and setting of the sun. In the blooming of flowers. In the falling of rain.

I will search for you in the sky above. In the flight of birds and swaying of trees. In the color of rainbows and in the crisp breeze.

I will search for you in the dead of winter and the rebirth of summer.

I will search for you in wonder.

I will search for you in the shining stars that fill the midnight sky.

I will search for you in the moments where you should be. Moments where I wished you still were.

I search for you, your light, and your everlasting spirit. I search for signs of your love. I search because I know you aren’t entirely gone. Because you left pieces of yourself here – for me. Most of them tucked deep within my heart. But these moments are filled with pieces of you. Pieces I thought I had lost forever.

Still, I search for you. Because I never wanted to lose you. And I will find you. Somewhere. Somehow. I will find you in these moments. And these moments will carry me from one day to the next. They will keep me going. And they will sustain my soul until the day I see you again. My search for you is boundless. It is infinite.

These moments remind me of the littlest one who is missing from my life. They remind me of you. They remind me of how lucky I am to have known you. To have held you close and breathed you in. They remind me that you are still with me. Always. And they also remind me that you left me – far too soon. But you haven’t forgotten me. Nor have I forgotten you. And we are eternally bound by the purest of loves.

So endlessly – I search for you.


Photo by Andrew Neel on Unsplash