Post by Still Standing Contributor Lindsey Henke of PALS and Still Breathing
Here are 20 things I do that only a fellow loss mom (or dad) understands. I’d love to know what yours are in the comments, because even if they aren’t mentioned, I probably will relate to most, if not all.
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I decided to get a memorial tattoo when I was in my thirties even though I never thought I would get inked.
I keep a special box in my closet I pull out on her birthday to spend time remembering her.
I take family photos each year with a picture of my stillborn child in them.
I post memes about grief and loss and love for my child that died on my Facebook feed.
I keep an urn with a ceramic teddy bear on it on my dresser that I touch every night before bed.
I take the same day off of work each year in order to spend a day celebrating her birthday.
I buy or make a birthday cake for my dead child.
I hang up an extra stocking with her name on it at Christmas.
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I light a candle every October 15th.
I ask my husband to sign my Mother’s Day card from both my daughter that lives and my one that died.
I share my story and help others.
I become friends with complete strangers on Facebook if I see a pregnancy and infant loss ribbon in their profile.
I ask others to do an act of kindness in her name if they would like to honor her too.
I say I have two daughters when you can only see one.
Related: What It Means To Never Have Your Family Whole
I dress my younger daughter in clothes that say she is a little sister.
I count her sisters’ breaths every night before I close my eyes to go to bed.
I share my dead child’s photo on social media.
I talk to her in my head when I’m scared or worried or need to make a tough decision in life.
I believe birds are her spirit coming to visit me.
I say her name every chance I get.
Thanks for understanding. What would you add to the list?
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I would add that every time i go to sleep i not only tell my daughteri love her buti also tell my son(who passed) that I love him as well and good night. I also always talk to him and help myself get through tough things throughout my day, job or home related sometimes even relationship problems. I agree with every single thing you listed on here though. I’m sorry for your loss and every other parent that has the loss we do.
I lost my son when he was 7 years old his heart stopped at the hospital he had.severe asthma to this day it’s hard.to understand why him I hardly can look at his pictures or speak his name without going into tears I post his pictures all the time on my.Facebook I miss him and wish he was still here its been almost 5 years since he passed away in October 2 of 2011 his birthday was august 18 2004 I haven’t been the same person since he died and the only thing that keeps me going is my other 5 kids otherwise I don’t know where I’d be today I was 6 months pregnant with my now almost 5 year old son when he passed it felt like my whole world was taken from me and it feels like all my friends and family doesn’t understand my grief and I feel there tired of hearing it and they all havery pushed me out of there lives it’s the hardest thing I ever been through as a parent
I lost twins a boy and a girl, than miscarried another little girl. I talk to them as if they are here, my twins would be four and my little girl three. I have a rainbow baby. I am happy to have my son but sad to not have my other babies. My hubby wants a big family. Who knows. I am sorry for everyone’s loss.