20 Things I Do That Only A Fellow Loss Mom (Or Dad) Understands

Post by Still Standing Contributor Lindsey Henke of PALS and Still Breathing

Here are 20 things I do that only a fellow loss mom (or dad) understands. I’d love to know what yours are in the comments, because even if they aren’t mentioned, I probably will relate to most, if not all. 

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I decided to get a memorial tattoo when I was in my thirties even though I never thought I would get inked.

I keep a special box in my closet I pull out on her birthday to spend time remembering her.

I take family photos each year with a picture of my stillborn child in them.

I post memes about grief and loss and love for my child that died on my Facebook feed.

I keep an urn with a ceramic teddy bear on it on my dresser that I touch every night before bed.

I take the same day off of work each year in order to spend a day celebrating her birthday.

I buy or make a birthday cake for my dead child.

I hang up an extra stocking with her name on it at Christmas.

Related: 10 Simple Reasons the Holidays Hurt

I light a candle every October 15th.

I ask my husband to sign my Mother’s Day card from both my daughter that lives and my one that died.

I share my story and help others.

I become friends with complete strangers on Facebook if I see a pregnancy and infant loss ribbon in their profile.

I ask others to do an act of kindness in her name if they would like to honor her too.

I say I have two daughters when you can only see one.

Related: What It Means To Never Have Your Family Whole

I dress my younger daughter in clothes that say she is a little sister.

I count her sisters’ breaths every night before I close my eyes to go to bed.

I share my dead child’s photo on social media.

I talk to her in my head when I’m scared or worried or need to make a tough decision in life.

I believe birds are her spirit coming to visit me.

I say her name every chance I get.

 

Thanks for understanding. What would you add to the list?

 

 

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