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May 16, 2016

20 Things I Do That Only A Fellow Loss Mom (Or Dad) Understands

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20 Things I Do That Only A Fellow Loss Mom (Or Dad) Understands
       

Post by Still Standing Contributor Lindsey Henke of PALS and Still Breathing

Here are 20 things I do that only a fellow loss mom (or dad) understands. I’d love to know what yours are in the comments, because even if they aren’t mentioned, I probably will relate to most, if not all. 

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I decided to get a memorial tattoo when I was in my thirties even though I never thought I would get inked.

I keep a special box in my closet I pull out on her birthday to spend time remembering her.

I take family photos each year with a picture of my stillborn child in them.

I post memes about grief and loss and love for my child that died on my Facebook feed.

I keep an urn with a ceramic teddy bear on it on my dresser that I touch every night before bed.

I take the same day off of work each year in order to spend a day celebrating her birthday.

I buy or make a birthday cake for my dead child.

I hang up an extra stocking with her name on it at Christmas.

Related: 10 Simple Reasons the Holidays Hurt

I light a candle every October 15th.

I ask my husband to sign my Mother’s Day card from both my daughter that lives and my one that died.

I share my story and help others.

I become friends with complete strangers on Facebook if I see a pregnancy and infant loss ribbon in their profile.

I ask others to do an act of kindness in her name if they would like to honor her too.

I say I have two daughters when you can only see one.

Related: What It Means To Never Have Your Family Whole

I dress my younger daughter in clothes that say she is a little sister.

I count her sisters’ breaths every night before I close my eyes to go to bed.

I share my dead child’s photo on social media.

I talk to her in my head when I’m scared or worried or need to make a tough decision in life.

I believe birds are her spirit coming to visit me.

I say her name every chance I get.

 

Thanks for understanding. What would you add to the list?

 

 

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  1. Sue Myers says

    May 16, 2016 at 1:44 pm

    I will add one to the list. My daughters used to sit in her carseat in the front with me. (It was allowed back then in the early 90’s) She used to tell me, “Mommy, hole ma han” and I would hold her hand and we would drive down the road. Now while driving I ask my angel to “hole ma han” and I hold the strap to my purse and pretend it’s her hand.

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  2. Sandi says

    May 17, 2016 at 9:45 am

    We lost my son 6 years ago he was 40 years young. The hurt never goes away. We also decorate for holidays and use his belongings too. It was helpful to read these posts. Thank you.

    Reply Report comment
  3. Priscilla says

    May 17, 2016 at 11:53 pm

    Exactly right! So many of these things I do and catch me off guard, but seem normal to other grieving mothers xxx Thank you. I’m glad I saw this and plan to follow your blog

    Reply Report comment
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