… and that is why it doesn’t help to be told ‘you should just get over it’.
So many times bereaved parents hear sentences that proclaim myths about their grieving and healing. We all have heard those myths, so much so that we have come to believe many of them and so it’s no surprise we, as the bereaved, struggle with healing after loss because it’s so different than portrayed or spoken about in society.
YOU talking about your loss
YOU being open about your feelings and thoughts
YOU remembering your child
YOU openly sharing your tears when grief is triggered
YOU celebrating your child’s memory
YOU standing tall accepting where you are on your journey with grief
… are making a difference.
You are a grief and healing warrior.
You are a hope spreader, truth speaker, way bearer, silence breaker, taboo destroyer, meaning creater, new normal ambassador and a human resilient healer.
Some of the myths, that we have heard for eons are the following, or versions of:
get over the loss, stop talking about it, move on, forget about it, time heals all wounds, have another baby (in the case of a bereaved parent), think about… (your husband, your other surviving children = focus on the living and not the deceased), keep yourself busy.
As you all know, most of those are not helpful and deny us of our experience that we have to the point were we ourselves say “I shouldn’t be crying…” or “I’m sorry I lost it” when we feel what is a natural part of healing.
Healing is in the feeling. Healing happens one conversation at the time, thought by thought, tear after tear that runs down our cheeks. Healing can also happen by doing something, creating new meaning, putting your brain power into a project or your physical power into building something. Healing is so varied and often happens without us even knowing it is happening. It also happens when we think ‘I’m feeling worse again’ or ‘I’ve gone backwards”.
Stop denying your experience. Stop giving other people the power to deny your experience. What you experience naturally is just that: natural.
Yes, of course, you can increase your not so pleasant feelings by doing the very thing you know increases it: for example looking at photos, listening to specific music. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do that, it means be mindful when and how you do it.
So, how can you own your experience? By becoming and being aware of your own emotions, thoughts, actions, behaviours and words spoken. By taking responsibility of those powers and not let them be directed by what other people or society think or feel.
That is what we do in the month of May with May We All Heal – a community project by the Grieving Parents Support Network.
Making time for our grieving and taking responsibility for our healing. Join in. Any day is a good day for healing.
Find out more about healthy grieving and healthy healing and join in #MayWeAllHeal 2016 🌸🌟🌺
More info: http://bit.ly/MayWeAllHealInfo
FB group: http://bit.ly/MayWeAllHealFB
Buy the companion playbook: http://bit.ly/BuyMayWeAllHeal
Nathalie Himmelrich the author of a number of resource books for bereaved parents. As a relationship coach, grief recovery expert and bereaved mother herself she believes that relationships (intimate and to other support people) are the foundation for a healthy grieving experience. She is also the founder of the Grieving Parents Support (GPS) Network and the May We All Heal peer support group.