“The wound is the place where the light enters you.” – Rumi
Hindsight is always twenty-twenty.
I couldn’t tell you why it took me so long to surface and find my place in this life again, or maybe why I haven’t by a lot of peoples’ standards, but none of that matters anymore. It never did.
What matters is this: I needed my place in the darkness.
I needed that place, and didn’t even know why at the time.
The only thing that I was sure of anymore was how broken my heart was.
The only thing that felt natural was this infinite cloud of darkness that hovered over my every waking moment.
Aside from the outside world, inwardly, I felt overwhelmed at how deeply this own heart of mine could FEEL. I was living, maybe for the first time ever, and it was the most painful experience to have your heart split wide open. Like an exposed wound it ached for some relief and soothing balm. It ached to be healed.
The intensity is what took me by surprise the most. The intensity, the enormity, the magnitude of grief and love and the pain that blanketed my entire universe.
Darkness is exactly what I needed.
Darkness might be what you need too.
If you find yourself in a place that feels impossible, you have to trust the process of grief, if nothing else in this world.
You are in the deepest pain of your life because you have loved something and someone more than life itself.
Sit in the darkness a while. It won’t always feel impossible. Darkness has a way of making the light so precious, so new, so refreshing. It will make you crave life, but in a way you never imagined. You will want to live life big enough, full enough for the life you had to say goodbye to. And that will look 100% different for every grieving mother, as it should.
Beginning tomorrow is 31 Days of #CreativelyMe. It will be an entire month dedicated to exploring and working through grief for bereaved mothers (or anyone who wants to play along!). You are invited to take part on your own or on social media by use #creativelyme. The Facebook event can be found here. I will be sharing the 31 prompts on Instagram @facetsofgrief.
Franchesca Cox is the founder of Still Standing Magazine. She is currently seeking her Master’s in Occupational Therapy, a yogi and author of Celebrating Pregnancy Again and Facets of Grief, a creative workbook for grieving mothers. Learn more about her heartwork on her website.