March 26, 2016

Guest Post by Amanda Hoyt

Even after EIGHT years, it still hurts.
I lost my child.

That sting in the corner of your eyes.
That lump in your throat.
The thought of memories that were never made.

The photos that were never taken.

So much lost. In the blink of an eye.

“There is no heartbeat.”
Worst four words I’ve ever heard.

Even after EIGHT years, it still hurts.
I lost my child.

Some just don’t understand.
“Why can’t you get over it?” they ask.

This was my child…why should I get over it?

Choosing a life where I intentionally live my life remembering a child I carried for 67 days. Letting my other children remember their sibling. Honoring all of the little lives lost with friends: daily, weekly, monthly, annually. Having my identity include being a part of the loss mom community. Comforting those in their darkest hours. Writing about my loss. Living life without one of my children. Wishing I had more time. Being sad about my loss, whenever the feelings well up inside.

These are not downfalls or failures or weird things about me.

This is the life of a loss mom.

This is what you do when you lose part of your heart. Part of yourself. Part of your family.

Grief. Always ebbing and flowing. Part of life.

Even after EIGHT years, it still hurts.
I lost my child.

Remembering Noah Joel Hoyt
~March 26, 2008~


    • Kathy Caldwell

      March 26, 2016 at 11:29 am

      So well said. I, too, am coming up on 8 years since my son died. I can so relate to what you are going through. It does help that we have others to reach out to….even if we never meet, we share such a deep relationship……take care and know we are all in this together.

    • Tina

      March 27, 2016 at 5:05 am

      What sites, groups or books do you recommend? I lost my son in January and I am finally getting to a point where I can be in public. But I need help. There are days where it is so hard to try to explain to my family or friends how I am feeling

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