Today it is raining and warm as Northeast winters go. I am feeling reflective but I am not finding the words to express what is in my heart today. I am struck by how people rediscover rhythms, find new tempos to the beat of a post-loss life.
Today, I had lunch with friends. As time and as days, months and years I have gone on. I have learned to live a large and a full life. I have discovered that absence adds depth to loneliness and to the companion to absence.
What is this companion? It is a hard won joy, a set of new lenses. By which to see the world anew – silently and tinged with a range of everything.
There is the sense of nothing being lost.
But in the course of nothing being lost, everything is.
It is complicated.
Loss parents grieve for a lifetime.
They search for ways to parent the departed.
They acquire an authenticity that makes me think of memory and time.
They inspire me to live a life my child would have been proud of.
For what purpose I am not entirely sure, but I know it gives a skeleton to my sorrow and place to hang my musings.
You are beautiful people. I am deeply honored to know you all.
We are a procession – our voices and our babies matter.
Thank you for your voices all together here.
I saw a movie called Me and Earl and the Dying Girl in which one character said of another, “Y
ou make me feel blessed.” I thought it was beautiful.
You all make me feel blessed.
I’m small, but scrappy! I have a fierce passion for my family, friends and life in general…I’m a military spouse who has battled infertility for over 13 years, as well as the loss of two babies gone too soon. I love to laugh, and am grateful for every second I celebrate with the ones I love. You can find me at my blog Lori Does Maryland or on Facebook Lori Mullins Ennis or on The Twitter here Lori M. Ennis