To My Sweet One

November 6, 2015

If you ever wonder if I think of you, the answer is every second. Your essence is intertwined with my every thought, your heartbeat lives on within mine, your love gives me one more breath.

If you ever wonder if I miss you, the answer is always. Some days it’s fierce, but over time, it’s become gentler, like a constant melody, your name pouring through my mind, on repeat. Your memory the undercurrent of my days.

I hope you know how much I miss you. I hope you know that sometimes the tears overflow at just the thought of your smile. I hope you know how I sometimes giggle at our sweet memories. I hope you know that I would give it all for you. I hope you know that you are worth all the pain, just to know you, to hold you, to love you. I hope you know that I would give every last bit of me and more, all for you. I hope you know that I am still holding on to you, even though death separates us. I hope you know that you took part of me when you went. I hope you know that you have completely altered the course of my life. I hope you know that I’m waiting for the day when I can scoop you into my arms and tell you about how the world still trembles at the aftershock of your days.

I hope you know that I’m doing okay. I hope you know that I refuse to let my thoughts of you be tainted only by tragedy and loss. Death will not win here, you surely have not let it. Because of that, I won’t allow it, either. It won’t shatter me beyond repair. It won’t incapacitate me. It won’t hold me down forever. Because you wouldn’t it want it that way. You’d want me to live fully, to love deeply, and to leave an impact, just like you have done. I promise to stand, even if the only thing lifting me to my feet is the thought of seeing your smile.

I wish I could hold you now. Steal you away for just a moment. Just one quick glance into your eyes. And even if I couldn’t scoop you into my arms, just one moment to hear your laugh. See you running free, joyful, in complete peace.

I’m so sorry for the pain. I hope it wasn’t too much.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

You are mine and I am yours.

Forever and endlessly.

Until that day…

  • Lexi Behrndt

    Lexi is a writer at Scribbles & Crumbs, communications director, and a mom of two boys, one in heaven.


    • LBursac

      November 6, 2015 at 10:45 am

      This is very beautifully written in it’s raw, bittersweet words. As I sit here with tears streaming down my face I hope mine can feel the love I have for them too. God Bless You.


      November 6, 2015 at 11:30 am

      This blew me away. Thank you.

    • C

      November 6, 2015 at 12:50 pm

      This is beautiful. All of it. ‘Your memory the undercurrent of my days” – I can absolutely relate. I never thought it possible to spend so long (nearly two years for me, since losing N) thinking of someone constantly, but N is intertwined with every thought I have, and she is what fills the space between all other thoughts. It’s just the way it is now.

    • mark

      November 6, 2015 at 2:29 pm

      Incredibly beautiful. Made me tear up. Thank you.

    • Chrissy

      November 6, 2016 at 10:08 am

      I lost my youngest of two sons to murder 18 months ago, he was 19. I shared this last year today, but I didnt remember it because of the pain and fof I was in. I will share it again because I live every word of it.

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