Post by Still Standing Contributor RaeAnne Fredrickson of Still Mothers
One sweet day, I will close my eyes here for the last time, and open them there for the first.
Your sparkling eyes, your darling smile, your soft hair, and skin – everything wonderful I’ve missed about you – will welcome me on that sweetest of days.
Once again, I’ll hold you.
Once again, I’ll kiss you.
Once again, I’ll pull you close and breathe you in.
Once again, I’ll be filled with joy and peace.
For the first time, you’ll be mine to keep, forever.
For the last time, I’ll remember the day you left.
For the first time, all the pain of your loss will fall away forever.
For the last time, I’ll remember how it felt to be without you for so long.
For the first time, I’ll be free.
For the first time, you’ll hear me say, “Hello my love, I’m here to stay,” and “I’ll never let you go.”
And for the first time, I’ll know it’s true.
For the first time, I’ll hold you, and you’ll hold me too.
One sweet day, I’ll know I had been right all along; you were happy, you were safe, you were waiting patiently for my time to arrive.
And, finally, that day will have come.
For the first time, I’ll spend every moment possible with you, without the fear of knowing it’s going to end.
For the first time, I’ll not need to hurry or try to make every second count.
There will be no need to rush. You’ll be mine for always.
For the last time, I’ll remember how desperate I was to memorize your every detail on the day I had to say goodbye.
For the first time, those memories will fall away forever. For the first time, I’ll know it’s never going to end.
That sweetest of days we will begin our new journey together; mother and child.
Never to part.
Never to fear.
Never to hurt.
Never to yearn for again.
That day I long for with each passing moment will then have become my reality;
The day that now seems as distant as eternity itself;
The sweet day I’ll say goodbye to this heartache for good;
The day it’s all finally finished, this lifetime of living without you, this lifetime of deep aching in my heart.
For the first time, I’ll hear the voice I’ve imagined a thousand times say, “Welcome home, mama! I’ve always known your love, and you can know mine!”
For the last time, I’ll remember the constant absence of your life from mine.
In that sweet moment, the missing piece from my heart – the one your exact size and shape – will once and for always snap into place, and all will be made right once again.
On that beautiful day, that sweet, wonderful day, when finally we’re together again, forever.
Finally, my grief will be done.
Finally, you’ll be mine to keep.
Finally, it’ll all be over.
And all about to begin…
Photo by Kaushik Panchal on Unsplash