Article by Nathalie Himmelrich on Still Standing Magazine {visit www.grievingparents.net for more info on parental bereavement support}

I Want To Disappear

November 5, 2014

Do you have days like these?

I keep to myself, I stay in my home or better even my bed.
I prefer not to talk much.
I feel challenged with most anything.

I had a few of those in a row.
I want to take the express train through them, pretend I do not exist here and now, hibernate unconsciously until I’m feeling better.

I guess we all experience these days. Not just as bereaved parents.

Article by Nathalie Himmelrich on Still Standing Magazine {visit www.grievingparents.net for more info on parental bereavement support}
New Normal?

¸.•´*¨`*•✿      ✿      ✿•*´¨*`•.¸              

These are usually the days I don’t express much.

The little amount of sharing about those ‘low-life-moments’ in general makes me wonder how much goes into learning that we

  • shouldn’t moan
  • focus on the bright side of life
  • should be more happy, less sad
  • move on

I have been conditioned like this. There are advantages and then there are the downsides – like where my mother thought and convinced herself she was a burden by being depressed and took the exit…

As a mother who is ‘lucky’ to raise a surviving twin…

  • I should be happy that, at least, I have one
  • I should be grateful to have been able to carry the identical twins
  • I mustn’t be yearning to have a sibling for AM given my age
  • I need to appreciate the life I have
  • I must move on
  • I have to be more this and less that…

Self-criticism seems on the rise when I’m on the downward slide. I know this is normal. I work with clients on exactly those issues and am good (according to them) at supporting them to move through it.

¸.•´*¨`*•✿      ✿      ✿•*´¨*`•.¸     

Yet, I’m human.
I’m under the influence of being utterly human.
Prone to emotional swings.

Since the emotional intensity of experiencing and journeying with grief I notice I’m far more sensitive. My stability in states like self-confidence, self-belief, patience, trust (just to name a few)… has improved again since my losses, but they are still wonky.

This might be part of the New Normal me. The parts I still struggle with.

Who knows how and where this will develop toward.

¸.•´*¨`*•✿      ✿      ✿•*´¨*`•.¸     

For now, I acknowledge and accept myself for where I am in this moment.
No matter how many years have passed since my losses, no matter the life I’m living, no matter the number of children I raise…

Do you acknowledge and accept yourself, for where you are in this moment?

¸.•´*¨`*•✿      ✿      ✿•*´¨*`•.¸     

[Acknowledging and Acceptance are Step 3 of the Couple’s Grief Integration Model described in my book Grieving Parents: Surviving Loss as a Couple. The steps also apply to one’s self]




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    Nathalie Himmelrich the author of a number of resource books for bereaved parents. As a relationship coach, grief recovery expert and bereaved mother herself she believes that relationships (intimate and to other support people) are the foundation for a healthy grieving experience. She is also the founder of the Grieving Parents Support (GPS) Network and the May We All Heal peer support group. Find Nathalie's books here: Nathalie Himmelrich or the Grieving Parents Support Network here: Grieving Parents

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