Thank You

November 27, 2014

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I am thankful for you

because even though the pain and the loneliness of missing you is sometimes

so big

that I can only breath in gasps of air that sting

and even though I will always be partly incomplete

I still, somehow, have you.

Because even though I only got to have you for a wink of time

given the choice, I would still chose that over never getting to know you at all.

The briefest time with you

swept in tears and yearning for moremoremore

is something I will always be grateful I got to have at all.

To have held your tiny body, those hands so small I never would have imagined, your legs, thin and shiny like a frog’s… it’s engraved in my heart forever, one of the sweetest moments that make me a mom, that make me who I am.

I will take the tears and the heartache and always missing part of the greatest love, because I got to be your mom.

And that, my girl, I will always be ever so grateful for.

Because thanks to you I see life so differently now.

I thank you for being the light around my world, for reminding me of the beauty, of the gift that life actually is.

Sometimes I miss you so, so much, and I wonder, a little (a lot) if there is some stupid point to it all. That is when I go outside and I sit in your garden. I breath the fresh air and I let the sun shine around me. I feel you. I now know that sometimes I need to be still to feel myself, to feel your love alive inside me.

I am thankful for you.

 




  • Cheli does her mothering and doulaing in Madrid, Spain. Her boys are wild and lovely and always, apparently, at that stage. Her daughter Luna is cradled in her heart as they learn how to be mother and daughter without ever holding hands.

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