• When Black Friday Means the Car Seat Was Empty

    November 28, 2014

    That is one of my most vivid memories. I was wheeled out of the hospital…bags in my lap.  Gift bags, a fully stocked diaper bag and a memory box. Everyone was looking at me and crying, and I didn’t care because I was crying too.  More inside, than on the outside, because the shock was…

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  • Thank You

    November 27, 2014

    I am thankful for you because even though the pain and the loneliness of missing you is sometimes so big that I can only breath in gasps of air that sting and even though I will always be partly incomplete I still, somehow, have you. Because even though I only got to have you for…

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  • The Loneliness of a Father

    November 24, 2014

    There have been two recent baby deaths that emotionally pulled on my heart with my experience with Gabi’s stillbirth. The first was the story of a Little Heart Warrior born with half a heart (HLHS). She had been born a week earlier and was having heart surgery. I didn’t know her or her parents. A…

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  • When All Options Are Exhausted

    November 21, 2014

    I recently was able to hear a professor and medical doctor speak on preparing doctors for life beyond medical school. He mentioned that often times preparing young doctors for death, especially the death of a child, is the hardest part of his job. He said that he always tells his students to never tell parents…

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  • Giving Thanks in All Circumstances

    November 20, 2014

    The season of Thanksgiving is upon us, and you may be wondering…what do I have to be thankful for? Reflecting on gratefulness is very valuable…especially in the throes of grief. Grief is big and consuming. The simplicity of counting our blessings refocuses a grieving heart from the giants of pain, sorrow, and hopelessness to the…

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  • Grief is…

    November 19, 2014

    I have learned a lot of things about grief in the last 2 years.  Things that I didn’t know before grief came barreling into my life. Things that Webster won’t tell you. That people in general won’t tell you. And while I’m not sure that there is such a thing as being prepared for grief, I do think…

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  • Child Loss Anniversaries

    November 18, 2014

    The word anniversary seems to often be followed with celebration. Yet, how can you celebrate a nightmare? The night your life forever changed. The night you lost your son. We’re approaching year six. Each year, as the anniversary nears, I’m filled with a mixture of emotions. Sadness and pain in remembering that tragic night. A…

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