The day where a cord accident ended my daughter Gabi’s life unexpectedly changed my life forever. I have often referred to that sad day as “The Day We Wish Never Happened”. As time went on, life spiraled out of control. All my energy was focussed on keeping my wife Rachel going as she battled severe depression, as well as a number of major medical issues. For those 22 months until her death, life was moment-to-moment struggling to survive. Once struggling as a single parent, all that seemed to matter was desperately grasping onto whatever piece of the past that I could. I don’t remember when it started , but at some point I also started to refer to the day of Gabi’s death as “The Day the World Ended”.
Our past shapes who we are. Our past lays the groundwork for our future. Our past can never be our future. Attempting for it to be so brings about disappointing results. I cringe when I hear about a couple setting up for their baby’s anticipated arrival. I cringe and my heart breaks when I hear about couples that have to face the fact that they lost a baby that they had been busy getting ready for. An old Jewish custom is to avoid preparing for a baby before it is born. There are different variations of this custom, such as buying items but not bringing them into the home before-hand. For us, we bought a stroller after we hit the 32 week ‘safe’ mark of the pregnancy along with bringing in my older daughter’s baby stuff upstairs.
Four days later, our baby girl was gone.
Some very close friends made all of the baby stuff disappear before I got home from the hospital.
Turns out, there is no ‘safe’ mark.