I remember in the first 5 years of my grief, I felt very defined by Christian’s death. I was the friend in the group, whose baby died. I was the only person in the family to have a stillborn baby. If we ever went out and met up with friends people would tread carefully around me. I may as well have walked around holding a giant sign that said “Yo! My baby died! There is nothing else to me now – just death.” As much as I would like to think that the death of my precious son did not define me, it did. I lived his death for years. I breathed it in. It was who I was. My past self had been shattered into pieces. Sure there was fragments of me here and there but they were small and weak.
A few years ago I met a wonderful woman called Emelie. Emelie had experienced the stillbirth of her son back in 2005. We met at one of the beach ceremonies that I host here in Perth. When I spent some time with her, we spoke about our stories. We exchanged all the nitty-gritty details and many tears. Something else happened in this conversation that opened a door for me in my grief journey. Emelie started asking me things about myself that had nothing to do with my grief. She asked me about who I was before and who I am now. I spoke about who I was before and how I was very naive and did not have any cares in the world. I also had no passions or interests. Now that I had gone through this incredible life changing event, I was left with many cares. I picked up anxiety as a new unwanted friend and fear seemed to have a hold of my heart. Having these talks with her reminded me that there was a whole lot more to me. I had forgotten who I was and I could not see myself being anything else than my grief.
Thinking about the conversation recently that I had with Emelie, it made me realize that even though I know so much about my friend’s grief life, I really know very little else about them. So this is a little opportunity for us all to share some of the other things about us. Think of it as a little break from all the heaviness of grief, a little bit of fun even. I am going to ask you to share 10 things about yourself. It can be anything at all! I think it will be lovely to see what else we all have in common. You may want to share this project with your support groups. Here are some ideas on things you can share.
Where were you born and where do you live?
What is your favourite food?
Where have you traveled to?
If you could have dinner with anyone in the world, who would it be?
What are you reading right now?
What is your favourite colour?
Your favourite book?
Sweet or Savoury?
Most amazing day of your life?
What are you passionate about?
Your dream job?
Any bad habbits?
What have you been procrastinating on?
What is a strange fact about you?
What is your perfect idea of a night out?
What is your perfect idea of a night in?
So there are some ideas of things that you could share. Of course none of the above may resonate with you, so just share whatever you would like.
HOW TO TAKE PART IN THE LINK UP GATHERING: Choose a platform to share your 10 things. Note that for the link to work your platform must be public. It might be a blog or your facebook page. You could post all 10 Things in a caption to an instagram photo or you may want to create a video blog on youtube. If you do not have a platform that you can use you can always share in a comment below or on our facebook page. When you have completed your post, end it with who you are Still Standing in memory of to shine some light on the babies ad children that brought us all together. For example “I am Still Standing in memory of Christian”. Make sure you link back to this article for others to find you. Once you have published your 10 Things, copy the direct link to your post and then come back here and enter the link in the green Mr Linky gadget below. Once you have done that, your post will appear at the bottom of this article.
You can watch my 10 Things About Me video in this youtube clip here below.
I look forward to learning a bit more about everyone else!