It’s been almost a year now since I was diagnosed with severe depression and moderate anxiety.

I lost Cthaeh a year ago May 9th.  I took two days off and went back to work and of course, worked Mother’s Day.  Ouch. I held it together for a bit but then stopped sleeping.  Then, I stopped eating and started acting in a way that made my husband seek help for me because I didn’t notice the severity in myself.

I had never been to the clinic I went to, nor seen any doctors there before.  The nurse went through a questionnaire to see how ‘down’ I was and after the doctor came in, she went over it with me again.  She told me she was worried since the only thing I didn’t “score” high on was that I hadn’t yet actively thought about killing myself.  She discussed medicines with me and talked to me and got to know more about me.  I told her about my journey of loss and infertility, and the different work I do such as writing here and running support groups.

We decided on a medicine to try to help the depression and she scheduled an appointment with a counselor, which I didn’t go to.  It’s still to hard for me to talk out loud about everything, I can type about it all day and night though. (Lucky for you all.)

I’ve been much better with the medicine.  I don’t ever feel drugged or put into a forced state of mind.  The anxiety still creeps in on me more than I would like, but I’m learning to cope.
You may be wondering what my point is.
My point is that if you can’t be strong anymore, it doesn’t mean you are weak. It means you have been strong and brave on your own for too long.

Don’t let your doubt or any person make you feel weak, ashamed, less than for getting help, ever.  I found a test that I thought was pretty decent and rated me pretty accurately.  If you have any doubt that you feel “off” take it and find a support person to help you through.

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