There are days filled with moments of stillness and quiet and missing you. I find myself staring off into a void as the world passes in a flurry of color and motion. I strain to see the details, but only manage flashes and blurry bits of time. I hear the echo of a cry and realize that it is my own. I am desperate to hold onto the vaporous memory of you, yet inevitably loose the image of your face. I see the vast expanse of my life without you and wonder how I will find the stamina to live on. I lay down at the end of the day and mindlessly hum the lullaby I sang while I carried you. I wake the next morning and brace for another day without you.
There are days filled with happiness and laughter and hope. I find myself staring deeply into the soulful eyes of my children as each has commanded my absolute attention. I soak in the exquisite details of the day as the house overflows with light and life. I hear the echo of a cry and realize I am laughing out loud at the chaos and messiness of my life. Although I cannot remember your sweet face, yet I see pieces of you in your father, your sister, and your brothers. I close my eyes at the end of my day and sweetly hum the lullaby I sang while I carried you. I awake the next morning filled with peace because I believe I will see you again.
In the days ahead, as you navigate your grief, I wish you peace, support, and love. But most of all, I hope you have better good then bad days.