There are days filled with moments of stillness and quiet and missing you.   I find myself staring off into a void as the world passes in a flurry of color and motion.  I strain to see the details, but only manage flashes and blurry bits of time.  I hear the echo of a cry and realize that it is my own.  I am desperate to hold onto the vaporous memory of you, yet inevitably loose the image of your face.   I see the vast expanse of my life without you and wonder how I will find the stamina to live on.   I lay down at the end of the day and mindlessly hum the lullaby I sang while I carried you.  I wake the next morning and brace for another day without you.

DepressionImage credit Stephanie Dyer

There are days filled with happiness and laughter and hope.  I find myself staring deeply into the soulful eyes of my children as each has commanded my absolute attention.  I soak in the exquisite details of the day as the house overflows with light and life.  I hear the echo of a cry and realize I am laughing out loud at the chaos and messiness of my life.   Although I cannot remember your sweet face, yet I see pieces of you in your father, your sister, and your brothers.  I close my eyes at the end of my day and sweetly hum the lullaby I sang while I carried you.  I awake the next morning filled with peace because I believe I will see you again.

contentImage credit Stephanie Dyer

In the days ahead, as you navigate your grief, I wish you peace, support, and love.  But most of all, I hope you have better good then bad days.

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