• The Grief Beast and the Ugly Shoes

    January 30, 2014

    I’m new here. To being amongst the amazing writers of Still Standing Magazine. To grief, well, not so new. We’ve been certain enemies for nearly four and a half years now. He came sneaking in as I birthed my middle child silently into this world September 21, 2009. He took the place of her. Swapped…

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  • Balance.

    January 29, 2014

    There was a theme in my life in the months that followed her death. A word that seemed to follow me; a feeling I could not escape. Everywhere I turned, I was met with this idea of balance. It was almost audible at times. Balance. It’s something that does not come naturally to me. In…

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  • There are days . . .

    January 28, 2014

    There are days filled with moments of stillness and quiet and missing you.   I find myself staring off into a void as the world passes in a flurry of color and motion.  I strain to see the details, but only manage flashes and blurry bits of time.  I hear the echo of a cry and…

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  • Chapters of Grief – Birthdays after Loss

    January 28, 2014

    My birthday will always be shared in a way with my son, Austin, who we lost in 2008.  And that’s why it’s bittersweet. You see, my birthday (Jan 8) is six months from his birthday, July 8.  As such, he deemed this day his “Happy 1/2 birthday” years ago and it stuck.  It was a running…

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  • The Unmarked Grave

    January 27, 2014

    Under Jewish law there are times where a potential scenario has an affect on the actual law. One example is when an animal is going to die of natural causes it is considered non-kosher, as if it died from those causes. To this end there are communities where the lungs of a cow are inspected…

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  • choose love

    Choosing Love

    January 27, 2014

    I’ve been pretty much avoiding writing this post. Goodbyes are not my favorite. I try to avoid goodbyes at any cost – unless it’s my tax lady I’m waving goodbye to. To be honest, I didn’t even know if I should write this post, because I don’t think a lot of the men and women that…

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  • Jumping off a cliff, adoption or surrogacy? Can I have an option D please…

    January 24, 2014

    The year of “firsts” is over!  I made it through the month of December, their birthdays, the first Christmas season without them.  I made it through.  Do I get a cookie or a coin or something to mark it? So, I made it.  Why am I still crying? Because grief sucks; because learning to live…

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