Guest post by Dana
Some days are worse than others. The past couple of days have been two of those days. Lost and lonely. I have felt lost, lonely and I have longed to have Jonah in my arms, in our house, in our lives! I have held tight to our memories, but I have had a hard time focusing just on those memories, rather than the new memories that I wish we could make. I think that I was preoccupied with a new job and a new car. I am still excited about a new job and a new car, but even when I feel happiness and a new blessing comes my way, I still hurt. I still miss my son.
Yesterday, I had one of those moments when I couldn’t function. I didn’t want to function. I went and curled up in bed. I held Jonah’s polka dot blanket against my chest, held my half of his heart in my hand and I thought about everything that I wanted to do with him. I thought about how those small moments in life are truly blessings. I thought about how often our complaints are actually blessings.
After I made myself get out of bed, I went outside and sat on our deck. This has become one of my favorite spots. It overlooks Jonah’s tree and airplanes frequently fly closely overhead. As I sat there, rocking in the chair, I wished that Jonah was sitting with me. I pictured myself rocking Jonah, holding him tight against my body. I pictured Jonah looking out into the yard – watching Hal run his sprints and watching the birds. I wanted this moment with my son so bad. A moment that many take for granted.
I often read Facebook statuses that make me want to cringe. I am trying not to judge, but I am thinking, “wow, if he/she only knew that their source of stress is such a huge blessing.” Getting up in the middle of the night with your child, changing your child’s diaper, soothing your upset child, feeding your child every 3 hours … you don’t have to do these things, you GET to do these things. I would give anything to change Jonah’s diaper, wake up in the middle of the night with him, give him a bath, strap him into his car seat to go to the store, to simply sit on the couch with him … to just be with him. Those nights that I complained about being tired because I was up every 3 hours pumping for my son, I would give anything to be up every 3 hours. That was a blessing.
During those moments throughout the day when you are feeling stressed, stop and think about why you are stressed. Is it because of the demands of motherhood or fatherhood? Is it because of a job, your house, your car? Is it because of your spouse or your family? … These are blessings – you have a child to stress over, you have a job, you have shelter over your head, you have wheels to get you around, you have a loving husband/wife, and you have family.
Life is short. Every single day and all that comes with it, is a blessing! I have felt lost and lonely. Maybe this is a blessing in disguise. I wouldn’t know this magnitude of loss or loneliness without Jonah. Jonah has been the greatest blessing in my life. Another lesson has been learned from my son. Don’t take the small things for granted. Don’t let the burdens in life consume you. Every burden is a blessing.