Guest post by Nicky
One shattering, life changing year.
I have lived moments no Mother should ever have to see.
Moments of Life and Death.
I have witnessed as my body brought forth both.
I have had to hand my child’s body to a stranger and walk away, knowing I would never touch his skin again.
I have felt consuming, overwhelming love for a fragile little soul, who will never walk this earth by my side.
I have had mere moments to fill with a lifetime of love.
I have had to say Goodbye.
I have grieved. Above all else, I have grieved. For what could have been and should have been. For what was owed and what was taken. What was taken is so staggering, that I sometimes wondered if I could remain. How could I remain, knowing that my love was not enough to save him.
I have survived horror and been blessed with beauty.
I have gone from weeping with sadness over a tiny, white coffin to weeping with hope over the new life inside of me.
I have lived in that space between grief and hope.
One year without him.
I am still there.