Three years ago, I was in hell. I had just given birth to my stillborn daughter, Amelia, and became pregnant two months later with my first rainbow baby. I quickly realized that the thrill of pregnancy was forever changed into an experience full of fear. I can only compare it to walking on a tightrope over hell and hoping you don’t fall in. I just wanted to make it to the other side of my pregnancy . . . that happy ending place where I got to hear my baby crying after delivery instead of the awful silence only filled with my own cries.
I desperately missed the happiness ~ the anticipation of meeting this new little baby. All I could manage was a luke-warm hope that this baby would live. I needed a place to unveil my fears and feelings so that I could begin to bond without judgement to this new life. I craved a place where I could talk about Amelia (whom I was still very much grieving) while still trying to navigate an entirely different pregnancy. I needed a very special journal, so I created one.
“Expecting a Rainbow ~ a journal especially designed for pregnancy after loss” is the compilation of my own needs, grief work, and my training as a mental health professional. I worked hard to create something that is missing in the world right now . . . a journal that helps break the silence of child loss and embraces the reality of pregnancy after loss.
I never thought I would find that happiness again, but choosing to create art and my writing have helped me in ways I would have never believed possible. I encourage you to find that special something ~ that spark that helps you reach for hope again. Because everyone deserves their rainbow ~ their beauty within that storm.
Here is a peek at some of the pages inside. Designing this journal was really a beautiful experience and a testament to my children . . . all of them. If you would like to know more about this journal or how you can use one, just click here.