Going Beyond Hurt Feelings

June 17, 2013

Guest post by Kori Keller

When Ramsey died, some people couldn’t grasp it. They could not venture out of their comfort zone and comfort me. They ignored me, they talked about everything EXCEPT her and slowly we lost communication. I was hurt, confused and frustrated. I so desparately wanted to write a “what you should do” article and even started to.. and then God gripped my heart.

He gently whispered to me that they are on their own journey & I may not know what that is or how hard it is for them. My hurt is obvious, I am living without one of my children. Their hurt may not be obvious. He has called me to walk this path and they are called to walk theirs. I think losing a child is the most horrendous, life altering event EVER. They would agree, but the fact is, they do not know my pain. And I do not know theirs. So many people say to me, “I shouldn’t even complain to you about anything.” I’ve chosen to say, “your hurts still hurt” Although my stance may not be popular in the baby loss community, I refuse to compare my hurts to theirs.

Be gentle on your friends. They are hurting for you, with you and in their own life of things you have no idea about. Extend grace and offer forgiveness when they don’t react to your loss how you think they should. There is no handbook for them to turn to when your baby dies. I believe they are genuinely doing the best they can given the circumstances. When a friend is diagnosed with Parkinsons, her husband leaves her or her teenager finds herself pregnant, I cannot put myself in her shoes. I try, I really do, but I too come up emptyhanded when it’s a life experience I have not encountered. I don’t want to lose a relationship because I don’t react accordingly in thier opinion. I am choosing to give my cirlce of friends room to breath, time to process and compassion in their own hurts.

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