Guest Post by Emilee Frisbie
If someone would have told me a year ago where I would be now, I never would believe them. I would tell them that stories that sad are made up, purely fiction. I would tell them, things like that don’t happen to me. They don’t happen to my family. I wish more than anything, those things were true.
Last year started off with a bang, my husband lost his job of 6 years to a merger and then 2 weeks later we found out we were pregnant with our second child. In my normal fashion, I looked at the bright side and focused on our new baby to be. I told myself that life is full of bumps and there is nothing we can’t handle. Then, in June I lost my job to downsizing 10 weeks before my due date. Although a bit worried, I knew things would work out because they always have. We are good people; we work hard and loved even harder. It will all work out in the end, right?
Scarlett was born a healthy baby girl and she brightened the world every single day she was on earth. She was love and joy in the purest form. She passed away from SIDS at 14 weeks and 5 days old. It is a moment in time that will forever change us and the dynamic of our family. Those first few days and weeks are a blur. If I allow my mind to go back to them, I am immediately overcome with sorrow. My stomach knots and my throat tightens when anyone mentions that day in December. Up until that moment, everything else that happened to us seems so trivial. Our life had been so innocent.
In our few months of grief we have learned so many lessons. We have learned who we are when times are hard. We have learned that our marriage is even stronger than we ever realized. We learned that being a parent is gift and not a guarantee. And the biggest thing we have learned through all of this is that asking for help is not a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of strength. People from all over wanted to help us and needed to, for their own sake, be part of the healing. Our first reaction was to be prideful and strong and take it all on ourselves. We quickly realized that we would never make it without the love and support of those around us. They flooded our house with food, supplies, tissues and love. They listened as we babbled nonsensically trying to wrap our minds and hearts around what we just witnessed. They sat with us all hours of the day as time ran together and we sat in the same position we had been in for days. They played with our 2 year old daughter when we were unable to find the strength to smile and pretend everything was okay. They helped make phone calls, funeral arrangements and decisions that we, no matter how hard we tried, could have done.
As we continue this unexpected journey of hurt and discovery, we are certain of one thing. We are grateful for the people in our lives that held us up those most painful days and weeks. There are no words or grand gestures that can repay them for what they have done for our family. As our broken hearts attempt to heal, there is a great comfort knowing that there are so many wonderful people in the world. People are innately kind and want to help. Allow them to. Helping you helps them. It helps them process and come to terms with the tragedy.
For the rest of our lives we will be paying that generosity forward. We will help others when they need it without thinking twice. As we all move forward with life remind yourself that asking and accepting help is one of the most courageous things you can do. So on the days you are feeling weak, be brave and allow someone to help you.
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