My Grief Will Last a Lifetime, and That’s Okay

April 3, 2013

I’ll always miss my daughter, Cora.

I’ll always wish she were here.

Before I lost her, I thought of grief as something I should get over. Like it was some sort of disease I was trying to cure. I was already dancing with grief–my father died when I was a child, but I didn’t get it.

Society paints loss as something that happens, we recover from. Almost like an illness. (And thanks to changes in the DSM-V, gosh, that’s possibly going to be even more true).

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However, Cora’s taught me something so important.

Those people we love with every cell in our bodies that die? They never leave us.

I have something of her left. I have my grief. I have my memories. I have my love.

Grief isn’t all bad. It’s not that black and white.

Grief is crying because I missed her. Grief is smiling remembering her.

I want that to stay with me forever.

In so many ways, I feel more at peace in my life than I ever was. Cora gave me the gift of being a mother, of setting aside my selfish tendency to get  caught up in feeling bad for myself, and to give and to think about others first. She gave me that. Why would I want to work toward letting that go?

I’m such a better person for have knowing her.

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I can grieve and be a happy person.

I can grieve and live a happy life.

I’ll grieve forever, but don’t weep for me. Please don’t feel pity for me for a moment.

I’m the luckiest girl on the planet.

She was mine.

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  • Kristine Brite McCormick is mom to Cora, who passed away at five days old of undetected congenital heart disease. She lives in Indiana with her husband and two dogs. You can read more about Kristine and Cora at her blog.

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