It's inside the spaces-- the pauses-- the infinite stillness-- that I most palpably feel the emptiness you've left behind. It's the silence of your missing voice that screams the loudest. It's every holiday that's impossible to truly celebrate. It's the painfully absent goodnight routine. It's the missing you in every picture of our … [Read more...]
She tottles along the beach with me, blonde curls at the nape of her neck. Chubby fingers with indents at the knuckles holding my hand. She utters things like “rock” or “what’s that” as we navigate the sharp rocks and shell fragments of low tide searching for sea glass. Across the silvery sand my husband helps my son throw rocks into … [Read more...]
Turning as I loaded the dishwater, I knocked a teetering wine glass to the ground. It's thin glass spread across the tile, there must have been a hundred pieces. Those were just the ones I could see. As I bent down to sweep them up, the light caught on more slivers, tiny flecks were everywhere. Every time I thought I was done there were more. I … [Read more...]
I’ve recently started coaching baby loss moms on how to get past that place of “stuck” in their grief and emerge into a place a joy that honors their lost child. Making the decision to start offering this type of coaching was difficult. (Understatement of the year.) It took months of soul searching and insecurity and fear and ultimately, the … [Read more...]
My upbringing taught me things that happened during our lives were for a reason. Sometimes the reason was quite evident. While other times, when it mattered most, the reason seemed to be just out of sight, hidden, never to be found. The why went unanswered when my parents divorced. The why remained unsolved when my, then twelve-year-old son, moved … [Read more...]
Women carry the baby. Some for weeks, others for months. They hold them until that final moment. Their emotions are ever-present in the souls of their eyes. Women talk. They write. They find groups. They seek support. But what about the dads in the scenario? The ones who sometimes never get to see, touch or hold their child. These pillars of physical … [Read more...]
When you suffer the loss of a child, your life will take you down an uncharted path as you begin to face grief. One of the things you’ll encounter along this path are unprepared comforters -- those whose intentions are to make your grief more bearable. Unfortunately, this group of comforters are at a disadvantage in the know-how, thus their words fall … [Read more...]
I stormed out of the door with my hands in a balled up fist. I wrinkled my face in a make-believe angry mess. I wasn’t angry, but at 6-years-old, my imagination had taught me how to fake it. Well, my imagination and my favorite television show, The Incredible Hulk. I had just finished another episode and my adrenaline was pumping. Normally the … [Read more...]
She draws me rainbows and colourful swirls and announces to me “This what heaven looks like, Mummy. My big brother is there. He died. But he is in heaven now, so it is okay. He has special lights on his hands”. River, my daughter, sees things that I cannot. She tells me stories about [...]
It’s inside the spaces– the pauses– the infinite stillness– that I most palpably feel the emptiness you’ve left behind. It’s the silence of your missing voice that screams the loudest. It’s every holiday that’s impossible to truly celebrate. It’s the painfully absent goodnight routine. It’s the missing you in every picture of our forever-one-too-small family. [...]
