Note from the Editor

In a moment death won. Motherhood felt like a cruel joke that had been dangled in front of my eyes only to be yanked from my grasp much too soon. Prayers felt like they were hitting a brass ceiling. Heaven had to be real, it just had to. But in this moment, it felt like a figment of my imagination. The grave mocked me. And all innocence was gone in this world where children die. In that moment that death won, a promise was made in my heart to never to let her name memory fade. She was incredible and I wanted the world to know it. The resilience that I have witnessed, not only in my own heart, but in the company of other bereaved mothers, and women who have suffered from infertility… is contagious, powerful, moving. When I look through pictures of those early days of grief, I am amazed that I have survived. And not by anything that I have done, by any means. But it is incredible that anybody could survive the aftermath of grief and losing a child.

For a long time that is what it felt like though – that I was merely surviving. And sometimes that is all you can do. But maybe you’re like me, and you just want to smile again and not feel that tinge of guilt for a moment of happiness. Making the plunge to embrace life after loss is an inward battle I have found in my own heart. But I cannot let death win. Not today. It has already taken so much.

This is my heart’s dream, that I hope might spill into yours. Life is a gift. And the truth is, if you’ve suffered loss, infertility or both, and reading this… you are still standing in the midst of the aftermath.

And if you are here, you must know that you are not standing alone.

Franchesca Cox

Founder & Editor of Still Standing Magazine




  • 7 Comments

    1. Reply

      Shari Isaacsen

      January 3, 2016

      I lost my daughter of my heart Miranda Aug1 2015 by suicide.She was 19 yrs old. I am her stepmom by marriage and her mom by love.She came to live with me when she was 7. Iam only beginning my journey through grief.Hoping to find support and understanding.

      • Reply

        Renea Dijab

        August 15, 2016

        I am so sorry. I stumbled upon this site and I hope that someone responded to you. I also hope you found support and understanding.

    2. Reply

      Teresa Kidwell

      August 21, 2016

      I lost my son 3 years ago. He was 23. He drank too much one night I never woke up the next day. He was the love of my life and my only child. I will never have grandchildren I will never know how is life would have turned out. Since he died I have become a partner in my company taking up music workout everyday and seemingly do all these things to keep myself busy. But I have learned that grief never goes away and that no one including close family members understand the depth of my sorrow. It hasn’t gotten easier although there are moments when I forget how sad I am. I am going through a bad wave of grief after 3 years now usually at the end of summer when his birthday is close. I need help often and rely on my friends but it doesn’t seem like it’s enough lately any help is appreciated I have learned not to take anything for granted in life and I am different from everyone else that I see around me now. They complain about their kids they complain about little things they complain about having to take them places. I hear them at the gym, at work, and the grocery store, and I am acutely aware of how trivial all this sounds now when I don’t have a child to love. I realize how precious life is good at the same time it is so painful even if you are a positive person and stay busy. I feel like I have worn out my friends but there are moments when I need to talk to someone and just have somebody hear me cry and now my suffering

    3. Reply

      Kelli Lushbaugh

      September 28, 2016

      I lost my son may 21, 2016 from suicide. I just did a suicide walk to bring awareness to suicide, depression and the effects this horrible decision brings to the surviving family. I can’t get out of bed most days. He was my middle son. I have an older. son, a middle daughter and the youngest son….I try to make life normal. I just don’t know what normal is anymore…

    4. Reply

      Lynsay Lewis

      September 29, 2016

      I lost my daughter on December 16 2015 she was 4yrs old and was in the car with her baby sitter who at the time was under the influence of methenfetamins she ran a stop sign and was hit by a tree trimming truck my Karmyn was killed instantly they had no idea who she was or that she was even in the car till a bystander saw her foot this has totally devastated my life I often don’t know how to go on. As we are coming up on a year since the wreak it seems days are extremely hard to even get out of bed I have not any grief counseling or talked to anyone really. It’s hard for me to go anywhere so I thought I would try something online thank you for reading my story I hope someday I can help someone going thru what I am.

    5. Reply

      Susan Johnson

      October 3, 2016

      I quit talking. I Don’t Know If l can do this. It’s more than her loss. 34..lost her. Mom at 34. Lost her way before that. Loss of her baby girl. Losing my boys..

    6. Reply

      Ann

      October 30, 2016

      You only take one day at a time and with God’s hand holding you will survive. You will have your bad days, but with God’s help you live through it,believe or not you will.

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