Comments for Still Standing Magazine

Comment on I am… after loss by JusticeForVylette

JusticeForVylette — Fri, 17 May 2013 21:43:15 +0000

so good. so true…

Comment on On Ranking Losses by Kelly Garrity

Kelly Garrity — Fri, 17 May 2013 17:15:09 +0000

The loss of a child, no matter what point in time, affects everyone differently. I hope that the people who rank losses never have to experience what we have gone through and ask that we practice patience while educating them. I have found that many people just don’t know how to react or what to say in the situation of child loss and thus ranking can be one of the only ways to say something at all, however well intentioned it may be. Shortly after finding out about my first miscarriage, a friend of mine said words that have stuck with me through two more. A mother bonds with her baby the minute she finds out it is growing inside her, but others don’t until the baby arrives.

Comment on On Ranking Losses by Charlotte

Charlotte — Fri, 17 May 2013 01:50:38 +0000

What an accurate analogy. I totally agree. We should not bash each other because some of us had mere moments with our children while others had longer moments. No amount of time would ever be enough for a mother to spend with her child. You don’t reach a point one day and say, “I have had my fill of you, so it wouldn’t rip my heart out if you were no longer in my life.” We need to be more sensitive to each other. Because the outside world is hard enough on angel mommies.

Comment on On Ranking Losses by Nathalie Himmelrich

Nathalie Himmelrich — Thu, 16 May 2013 19:37:41 +0000

The experience of the loss is always related to the meaning we place on what we have lost. It does not matter when or what we have lost, what matters is the meaning that we have lost. No comparison does justice.
I personally experienced one neonatal death where I held my daughter in my arms as she passed, at the same time continuing mothering her identical twin sister, and two miscarriages. I found that it’s less important when the miscarriages have happened and more important what dreams, possibilities, chances, … died in the process…
The connection with a being can start anytime, even before conception.
The same as grief doesn’t necessarily start with death, it can start before, long before…
All Love to all dealing with loss, Nathalie

Comment on Brokenness and Honey Curls by Nathalie Himmelrich

Nathalie Himmelrich — Thu, 16 May 2013 19:31:10 +0000

My surviving identical twin girl is 20 months. I do enjoy her fully and always think of her twin sister. I still find it REALLY challenging to see twins strolling past. I think we will always miss the twin experience we didn’t get to carry past birth, right? At least that’s my experience until now.
Ananda Mae writes letters to her sister and I write my own blog of living without the twins, which I find helpful. ( If you’re interested: https://www.facebook.com/HopeForPassion )
Dear Kate and Meribah, I’m so sorry for your loss of the twin experience and the life reminding and remembering the life that is no longer. All Love, Nathalie

Comment on Forever Love by Jane

Jane — Wed, 15 May 2013 20:07:35 +0000

Angela, I would love to follow your blog. Can you please post or email me the link.

Comment on On Ranking Losses by angie williams

angie williams — Wed, 15 May 2013 17:31:21 +0000

I have never had anyone rank my loss however try to compare theirs to mine. I have heard that they know how I feel because their a)mother b)grandmother c)dog d)sister’s best friends cousin once removed died.

They tell me sad tales of people they know who have had a late loss and what they did to get over it.

At the end of the day a mother’s love is not measured by the age of the child when they died. It starts the moment you see that first ultrasound photo.

Comment on On Ranking Losses by Sarah

Sarah — Wed, 15 May 2013 17:21:20 +0000

That’s so hard … I’m so sorry <3

Comment on On Ranking Losses by Liz

Liz — Wed, 15 May 2013 16:12:10 +0000

I know he didn’t do it intentionally and it is just the irrationality of grief that makes me feel this, but I had two early losses, a miscarriage and an ectopic pregnancy – both of which scarred me deeply but left nothing outwardly for the world to see. My husbands granddaughter passed at 13 days, and he planted a memorial tree. I don’t judge his pain or begrudge the memorial, but it hurt me that he felt enough about her passing to give it a real place to mourn, but when I mentioned that it hurt that it never crossed his mind to memorialze ours, like what we went through was nothing, he was stunned.

Comment on On Ranking Losses by Meghan

Meghan — Wed, 15 May 2013 14:16:31 +0000

I think that each loss has its own grief to deal with and walk through. With my two losses, I grieve for them differently, but in no way rank them. There are times the death of my son hits me like a lead balloon and the loss of my daughter is less. Just as there are days when the reverse is true. Having had two losses 9 mos apart (and this may go for losses further apart or closer together, I only speak from my knowledge) is that I was a basket case when my rainbow babies came, I still am. As morbid as it sounds, I still check on them to make sure they are breathing. My older daughter actually stopped breathing at 1 yr old and for that briefest of moments, I was planning her funeral (as that was and is 50% of my reality with my children) and when the thought that she was gone too hit, it was a grief like no other, cause it was HER grief, if that makes sense. She is okay, has a “stop breathing issues” which is really scarier that it sounds, but when it happens and you have never seen it before, is terrifying.
I think that people who “rank” who make those hurtful comments, think they are doing right by us, but all they are is reassuring themselves and thanking God that it was not they who had to deal with this pain. My son and oldest daughter as just as precious to me as my living children. It matters not that he died at 36 weeks and she died at 17, but I grieve for them and their possibilities differently, just as I celebrate my living children differently.
Great article. Thank you for giving me a chance to make my ~angels~ shine

Meghan