It Could Never Happen To Me

10430921_932315990142115_7948825037662000137_n

Often people will go to great lengths to convince themselves that what happened to you could never happen to them. Unfortunately, a host of comfortless cliches are usually born from the 'it-could-never-happen-to-me mentality.' I get it. It’s a defense mechanism people use to calm their own fears and to preserve their own senses of safety. It also … [Read more...]

What Love Never Leaves Behind

Malka_Ahmed

I remember my first night when I came back home from the hospital after my daughter was stillborn—empty-handed and no longer pregnant. I couldn’t shake the intense feeling of guilt that I had left my child behind. This guilt made it so hard to breathe and cloaked my life with a darkness that I couldn’t shake. When I woke up the next morning I would … [Read more...]

5 Rights of the Bereaved Parent

parent1

1) You have the right to your feelings. No one knows exactly what it is like for you to lose your child. No one has walked the exact same path as you. No one has lost THIS child who was unique in his or her own special way. You have a right to feel how to you feel about your loss. Some days will be better than others. Today might be a good day, moments … [Read more...]

This Crappy Club Called Child Loss

photo(67)

Sometimes grief makes me feellike I'm losing my mind. Like my brain has been hijacked. No, really. A few weeks ago, I read the beginning of a sentence over and over again about twenty or thirty times. It took me almost that long to figure out why my brain couldn't makes sense of it. Then-- BAM-- it hit me. Upside the head and then some. The … [Read more...]

Reflections 4 Years Later

The end of this month will mark 4 years since Gabi’s death. It is hard to believe that 4 years have passed since my whole world collapsed around me. Holding her warm body in my arms and seeing the huge knot in the umbilical cord that had taken her life. I just wanted to push the ‘undo’ button and move life back to just long enough to save her … [Read more...]

Returning to Work/Life After Loss

working woman

  Losing your child is beyond devastating. The pain of that goodbye is unlike anything else. Your world, in an instant changed. And, you...you will never be the same. I've written before about the insult to injury that occurs after the death of your child, the strange phenomenon of not feeling familiar in your own skin. And, then. Then, … [Read more...]

Five Things Every Grieving Parent Can Be Grateful For Today

IMG_0021

No matter how much time you got to spend with your child, whether that time was spent in your womb or in your arms, you and only you have the honor of being your child’s mother, not even death can take that from you. You also have the special privilege of keeping your child’s memory alive in whatever way feels right in your heart. There is no … [Read more...]

What about the Mom Whose Baby Died?

Sogladtheytoldme

A response to the #sogladtheytoldme initiative. I recently participated in the #sogladtheytoldme movement lead by Stephanie Sprenger, a mom and fellow blogger, who started the campaign to raise awareness about the difficulties of transitioning into motherhood and the realities of postpartum depression among women in her blog post, I’m Glad Someone … [Read more...]

Contradictions of a Grieving Heart

image

  Our son Aiden would have turned five years old this month. It was a hard birthday for me this year. Not only is five years a big milestone, but I also felt a lot of emotional turmoil this year. Knowing that grieving is not a linear process and “grief bursts” are a normal part of the process, I shouldn’t be surprised by the fact that this … [Read more...]

I Quit

quit

To Whom It May Concern, This letter is to inform you of my decision to quit this club called "Babyloss". I'm fed up and I can't take it anymore! I don't want to be a part of this club for even one moment longer. If I'm being completely honest, I never once wanted to be a part of this horrible group: the people who live every day with broken hearts … [Read more...]