That’s my Daughter to Me

It's been two years, one month, two weeks and four days since my daughter died. I should have been watching my baby grow and blossom in that time, but instead I've had to learn to live without her. The day she died a part of me died as well. I try to fill that space with the gifts my daughter gave me. She taught me how precious life is and to value my … [Read more...]

Five Years Of Grief

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Five years. 5 years. F.I.V.E. years ago, on September 25th we said goodbye. Half a decade of my life, learning to live- and I mean REALLY live, this side of loss. Can I be honest? I am so tired of grief. I mean, tiiiired. Not my own grief; my grief is my partner, my voice, my joy, my daughters.... But grief,  GRIEF - the topic, the imagery, … [Read more...]

Over and Over Again

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She didn't need useless cliches or a string of empty words flung around her neck like a too-tight string of pearls that choked. She didn't need illogical logic or to hear that "everything happens for a reason" because there was no reason good enough in heaven or earth worth the pain of losing her child. She didn't need vile judgments or cruel … [Read more...]

Strength and Weakness

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I have to admit that for a long time, a very, very, long time, I have been that woman. That woman who felt weak and disempowered by well, life. I allowed the waves to crash upon me with full force and I surrendered to the tide that would pull me so easily under. My spirit wasn’t cracked, it was broken, and every piece that lay scattered about reminded … [Read more...]

One Less Second Grader

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Signs of back to school are everywhere. For some parents it might be a relief. Summer is over, and the school schedule is a welcome change. For bereaved parents, signs of torture are everywhere. Over-sized backpacks, school supplies, car drop off and pick up lines. It's a sucker punch to the gut. Everywhere you look there are painful reminders of … [Read more...]

This Too Is Birth, Not Death

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Those were the words from the poem printed on the funeral stationary for our babies...both times. Focusing on the birth of a baby, the realization that all babies are born is one of the powerful and profound truths we learned while taking our birth and bereavement training through stillbirthday.com to serve as an SGM/SBD for Sufficient Grace … [Read more...]

Laugh If You Wanna Laugh…

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I remember the night we learned that one of our twins, Daisy, had unexpectedly died and we knew we’d be saying goodbye to her sister, Sunshine, the next day. That night, and my husband and I sat on the couch. We’d talked and talked and talked and then decided to just shut up, eat dinner and watch TV. There was nothing left to say and I had no tears … [Read more...]

How Do You Define Yourself After Loss?

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(Note: The content of this article might be challenging if you're a recently bereaved parent. Having said this, it might support you in moving forward with grief.) I am a bereaved mother. I am a mother of a twinless twin. I am a semi-orphaned daughter. These are three labels or identities that I acquired in the space of 5 months a little … [Read more...]

Will She Be Forgotten?

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I thought he had forgotten as I opened the Mother’s Day present this past May while at brunch.  There inside was a beautiful blue sapphire necklace. Running my fingertips over the slender smooth silver chain I said thank you and asked my husband, “Why a blue sapphire?” Proud of his purchase he replied, “It’s Zoe’s birthstone.” Turning to look at … [Read more...]

Atheism, Infertility and Grief

I've had a really tough time getting these words on the screen and even as I type now I'm not exactly sure how this may end. Still Standing as a whole has a pretty faith-based audience and the majority of writers have some sort of faith, in something.  I used to have faith; it was a pretty strong faith too.  I never identified with being Christian … [Read more...]