This Crappy Club Called Child Loss

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Sometimes grief makes me feellike I'm losing my mind. Like my brain has been hijacked. No, really. A few weeks ago, I read the beginning of a sentence over and over again about twenty or thirty times. It took me almost that long to figure out why my brain couldn't makes sense of it. Then-- BAM-- it hit me. Upside the head and then some. The … [Read more...]

Reflections 4 Years Later

The end of this month will mark 4 years since Gabi’s death. It is hard to believe that 4 years have passed since my whole world collapsed around me. Holding her warm body in my arms and seeing the huge knot in the umbilical cord that had taken her life. I just wanted to push the ‘undo’ button and move life back to just long enough to save her … [Read more...]

Returning to Work/Life After Loss

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  Losing your child is beyond devastating. The pain of that goodbye is unlike anything else. Your world, in an instant changed. And, you...you will never be the same. I've written before about the insult to injury that occurs after the death of your child, the strange phenomenon of not feeling familiar in your own skin. And, then. Then, … [Read more...]

Five Things Every Grieving Parent Can Be Grateful For Today

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No matter how much time you got to spend with your child, whether that time was spent in your womb or in your arms, you and only you have the honor of being your child’s mother, not even death can take that from you. You also have the special privilege of keeping your child’s memory alive in whatever way feels right in your heart. There is no … [Read more...]

What about the Mom Whose Baby Died?

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A response to the #sogladtheytoldme initiative. I recently participated in the #sogladtheytoldme movement lead by Stephanie Sprenger, a mom and fellow blogger, who started the campaign to raise awareness about the difficulties of transitioning into motherhood and the realities of postpartum depression among women in her blog post, I’m Glad Someone … [Read more...]

Contradictions of a Grieving Heart

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  Our son Aiden would have turned five years old this month. It was a hard birthday for me this year. Not only is five years a big milestone, but I also felt a lot of emotional turmoil this year. Knowing that grieving is not a linear process and “grief bursts” are a normal part of the process, I shouldn’t be surprised by the fact that this … [Read more...]

I Quit

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To Whom It May Concern, This letter is to inform you of my decision to quit this club called "Babyloss". I'm fed up and I can't take it anymore! I don't want to be a part of this club for even one moment longer. If I'm being completely honest, I never once wanted to be a part of this horrible group: the people who live every day with broken hearts … [Read more...]

Stop That Grieving!

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Many times during the dark periods of my grieving I wished for it to stop. “I can’t take any more!”; “I hate my life,” and “I don’t want to be like that.” In one specifically dark moment I remember telling my husband: “You have the luxury to decide whether you want to stay with me or not, I don’t have that option.” There were so many times I … [Read more...]

Revel in Revival

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Guest Post By Ginny Limer "Bring him back! Please! Bring him back!", but SIDS had won, and their attempts to revive my son had failed. His passing left me breathless.  Lifeless. My pep, my zest, my will...gone. "Bring me back! Please!  Bring ME back!  Revive ME!" Revival.  To revive.  To return to consciousness or life.  To be active or … [Read more...]

When Mother’s Intuition Is Wrong

2 years ago, the day before my water broke at 18 weeks.  I delivered Tucker 3 days later and his brother Fletcher, 13 days after that.

2 years ago I had a gender reveal party. Mother’s tuition had told me, weeks before it was confirmed, that I was carrying twins. The dr kept telling us we only had 1 baby, I knew he was wrong. When he saw 2 hearbeats, I smiled, smugly, knowingly. I knew I was carrying a boy and a girl. I’d dreamed of both. I’d seen them both whenever I closed my eyes. … [Read more...]