Contradictions of a Grieving Heart

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  Our son Aiden would have turned five years old this month. It was a hard birthday for me this year. Not only is five years a big milestone, but I also felt a lot of emotional turmoil this year. Knowing that grieving is not a linear process and “grief bursts” are a normal part of the process, I shouldn’t be surprised by the fact that this … [Read more...]

I Quit

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To Whom It May Concern, This letter is to inform you of my decision to quit this club called "Babyloss". I'm fed up and I can't take it anymore! I don't want to be a part of this club for even one moment longer. If I'm being completely honest, I never once wanted to be a part of this horrible group: the people who live every day with broken hearts … [Read more...]

Stop That Grieving!

Photo property of nathaliehimmelrich.com

Many times during the dark periods of my grieving I wished for it to stop. “I can’t take any more!”; “I hate my life,” and “I don’t want to be like that.” In one specifically dark moment I remember telling my husband: “You have the luxury to decide whether you want to stay with me or not, I don’t have that option.” There were so many times I … [Read more...]

Revel in Revival

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Guest Post By Ginny Limer "Bring him back! Please! Bring him back!", but SIDS had won, and their attempts to revive my son had failed. His passing left me breathless.  Lifeless. My pep, my zest, my will...gone. "Bring me back! Please!  Bring ME back!  Revive ME!" Revival.  To revive.  To return to consciousness or life.  To be active or … [Read more...]

When Mother’s Intuition Is Wrong

2 years ago, the day before my water broke at 18 weeks.  I delivered Tucker 3 days later and his brother Fletcher, 13 days after that.

2 years ago I had a gender reveal party. Mother’s tuition had told me, weeks before it was confirmed, that I was carrying twins. The dr kept telling us we only had 1 baby, I knew he was wrong. When he saw 2 hearbeats, I smiled, smugly, knowingly. I knew I was carrying a boy and a girl. I’d dreamed of both. I’d seen them both whenever I closed my eyes. … [Read more...]

6 Ways to Survive the Holidays Without Your Child

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For a bereaved parent, this time of year might not be the season of Yuletide-cheer it once was. Your eggnog might taste like crap even if it is homemade. The lights and Lords-a-leapin' might have lost their luster. The whole season might feel like a cruel, sick joke. Worse yet, you might feel like the only person who has one or more missing from your … [Read more...]

Should Have Been

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I drop my daughter off at her hourly care class, a few hours so I can work and she can have some fun with friends. I hug her and wave all the way out the door as she does the same, peeking through the window panes at me as I leave. On my out there's a mom in the waiting room with two little ones to drop off. She struggling with the littlest one … [Read more...]

I Want To Disappear

Article by Nathalie Himmelrich on Still Standing Magazine {visit www.grievingparents.net for more info on parental bereavement support}

Do you have days like these? I keep to myself, I stay in my home or better even my bed. I prefer not to talk much. I feel challenged with most anything. I had a few of those in a row. I want to take the express train through them, pretend I do not exist here and now, hibernate unconsciously until I'm feeling better. I guess we all experience … [Read more...]

The Raw Reality Of Grieving “Right”

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  I think one of the hardest things in life is to feel like you don’t matter to someone. That’s probably the last thing that grieving parents need to feel. I can promise you, the guilt I carry around needs no encouragement from your opinions of whether I’m doing this whole grieving thing right. I have "moved on."  Every.  Single.  Day.   My … [Read more...]

Say It Again

When something unbelievable happens to us or another person, many of us react by telling the story multiple times. We need to tell it to someone and see their reaction, maybe different reactions. "Can you believe she cheated on him?" "I heard he lost his job after screaming at his boss." "I was just driving down the road and she pulled in front … [Read more...]