The Friend Called Time

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I became a mother a month shy of turning 25, just three days before I celebrated my second wedding anniversary. I was so young and held on to the belief that life was about happy endings and fairy tales. I just knew that God wouldn’t give me more than I could handle and I certainly couldn’t handle the death of my son so even with a 50% chance of … [Read more...]

I Liked the Other Boxes You Played in Better

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Today I carried the heaviest thing a mother is ever asked to carry— Down the aisle of the longest path I’ve ever been asked to walk— From the back to the front of the church where we sang songs of praise together just days before, you sitting snugly on my lap. My steps, like old woman shuffles— aged 100 years in a day— unsteady and … [Read more...]

Breathe…Just Breathe

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Breathe. Just keep breathing, mama. You're doing great. Deep, slow breaths. In...and out. Breathe with me. You can do this. She shakes her head as "I can't" looms loud and crippling. I nod "You can." And, we breathe together, as generations fill the room with love, wiping her brow...stroking her hair...holding her hand. Breathing "You … [Read more...]

The Cap And Gown I’ll Never See

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November is when my son was born. November is when he died. March is when I found out I was pregnant with him. December is when we buried him. Mother's Day is in May. Oh, June....who knew you could be so hard on my heart? I have been thrilled, to tears really, to see all of the Pre-K (and Kindergarten) graduation pictures that are … [Read more...]

An Open Letter to the Loved Ones of a Grieving Mother

An Open Letter to the Loved Ones of a Grieving Mother, by Franchesca Cox

Dear Loved One, I know you mean well. I believe you. I 100% believe you have the best intentions for her. She isn't the same person and that probably scares you. You think of her before her (and your) loss, and you might wonder why things aren't going back to the way they were. You try and fix her broken heart by telling her things that you would … [Read more...]

The Truth About “I’m Sorry”

The Truth About "I'm Sorry" by Nathalie Himmelrich

In the book Grieving Parents: Surviving Loss as a Couple, in Chapter 12 for the Supporters of the Grieving Parent, I suggest the three simplest things to say to bereaved parent, among a whole list of other do's and don'ts: I am sorry for your loss I am here for you I don't know what to say, I'm lost for words Sparked by the varied feedback I … [Read more...]

The Sting of Goodbye

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The phone rang at 12:58 a.m. My oldest son, home for a visit from college, was at a local concert with friends. No ability to check caller ID on that particular landline, I was instantly awake, sitting upright in bed...senses heightened. I'm used to the phone ringing in the middle of the night, due to my on call work as a birth and bereavement doula®. … [Read more...]

The Question

There are several basic questions that people ask when they are getting to know you. You may be at the register buying groceries and the cashier strikes up a friendly conversation or you could be at a small gathering with friends where you meet someone new. The small talk begins and you are asked things like What do you do for a living? What … [Read more...]

Still A Mother

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I dedicate this to each and every mother who lives without her precious child(ren), to every mother who has no living children, and to every woman who longs to be a mother. We see you. We remember you. And we honor your motherhood. You are a beautiful, beautiful mother. Mother's Day can be a wonderful day for many women. A day of celebration, honor … [Read more...]

To My Fellow Loss Mom on the First Day of the “After”

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To the beautiful and broken mama on the morning after your heart was torn from your soul, I can tell you that today, you will wake up, even if you don't want to.  The cruel joke of the world is that you are still here and your child is not, on this first day of life now split into the forever proverbial “before” and “after” your child died. You … [Read more...]