On Going Back to Work

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I think I made it three hours that first day back. Three hours of avoiding my co-workers, of impotently staring at that same email, and -- a few times -- of finding the least embarrassing location to break down and sob at the sheer, aching depth of our loss contrasted with the banality of what used to be so important to me. Then I went … [Read more...]

Loss Resilience: Living the Contradiction

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I was once asked to describe myself in one word. The best I could come up with was: Contradictory. Trying to neatly fit me into a specific label or box is somewhat of an exercise in futility and frustration! I am a mother, yet I have no children here with me. I fiercely love my gone-too-soon daughters, yet I have chosen not to pursue having … [Read more...]

Even as I Lost, I Found

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I came across a quote that is attributed to Tennessee Williams. It made me think about many things. Most significantly, it made me think about the passage of time, as one is fording the river of loss.  “Time is short and it doesn’t return again. It is slipping away while I write this and while you read it, and the monosyllable of the of the clock is … [Read more...]

Dear Fear

Dear Fear - Article by Nathalie Himmelrich www.nathaliehimmelrich.com @mymissbliss

Having published my book 'Grieving Parents: Surviving Loss as a Couple' a year ago and being weeks away from having the book published in its German translation, I've been reminded at the vulnerability it brings: Having my name out there, my opinions, my story, my suggestions - they all leave room for criticism. The idea of having your most … [Read more...]

To The Kindergarten Teacher Who Is Missing One…

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Dear Kindergarten Teacher, I remember! I remember being sad that summer was nearly over, but, if honest, excited when all the school supplies started showing up in the Target aisles (although, let's be real...it sort of made you want to scream seeing it in early June, right???). I remember thinking about all the new little ones I'd be in charge … [Read more...]

When the Healing Comes

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Throughout my life, I have suffered many physical traumas and have visible scars left behind as reminders of the pain. In many of those injuries, the healing was a lengthy process. Often I wonder if God was toughening up my outside to deal with the tremendous emotional trauma I would face in losing my oldest son, Austin. As a child, I suffered … [Read more...]

Invisible Motherhood: Caught Between Child-Free and Child-Filled

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My sweet daughter Grace made me a mother 12 years ago. Her sister Lily made me a mother again 6 years ago. Every day since, I have loved and nurtured them as best I know how. It has been a process of learning and growth, mistakes and uncertainties. Mothering them is a core pillar in the foundation of my life. My motherhood is also … [Read more...]

Giving In To Grief

Giving In To Grief

This past spring, I was fortunate enough to attend the Selah weekend retreat by the MISS Foundation. It was led by Dr. Joanne Cacciatore. I have been a follower of her work with bereaved families, and was excited to be with her as a guide as I explored my grief and healing over the long weekend. One aspect of my grief I’ve been aware of since its … [Read more...]

Scars and Marks Unseen

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I have a daughter. She looks just like me. With strawberry blond hair and blue-green eyes that change color with what she wears. Saying “tis” she points her chubby toddler finger at the black and white picture of a baby in the scrapbook in front of us. Softly correcting her I say, “baby, bei-bi”. She looks at the book and then looks back at me, … [Read more...]

A Letter to the Friend of a ‘New Normal’ Grieving Mother

An Open Letter to the Friend of a Grieving Mother, by Nathalie Himmelrich

Dear Friend, It's been awhile since I've contacted you. I was busy. Busy surviving. Busy grieving. I have been more focused on my journey and me than anyone else’s. I had to. For my own and my family’s sake. Otherwise I might no longer be around. My child has died and even if/though this is months or even years ago, my memory is as fresh as if … [Read more...]