I used to utter the phrase "You are so strong" to others when I had no idea what else to say. Little did I know how painful that was to actually hear until it was said to me after my losses. Alice was our first loss, and an early one in the beginning of an unknown pregnancy. She was gone before we knew she was even a possibility. I had never … [Read more...]
Layers Of Grief- A Poem
May 9, 2013 by Leave a Comment
I sit in pain, my heart broken in a million razor sharp pieces. Shards rip though my insides, drawing fresh blood with every quickening of my breath. With every gasp for air between sobs. Eventually, the tears stop falling. There seem to be none left. For now. But the numbness, that is worse. The numbness leaves me fearful. Fearful I’ll … [Read more...]
It Was More Than “Just” a Miscarriage
March 8, 2013 by 10 Comments
Truthfully, perinatal grief due to miscarriage can be hard to comprehend for someone who has never experienced it. Part of me has this unrealistic expectation that people should "get it", that they should understand the emotional and physical toll a miscarriage has on a woman, on a family. People should get it, but every so often I am taken to task … [Read more...]
Learning To Grieve
January 17, 2013 by 5 Comments
"Be kind to yourself and let yourself grieve." There's not much that is wrong with this thoughtful piece of advice, if you are offering it to someone who has grieved before. Offer it to a loss mom too soon and it is almost like telling a person that is afraid of flying to just get in the cockpit and pilot the plane. Not only is it incredibly scary, … [Read more...]
What Do We Create From our Pain?
December 13, 2012 by 16 Comments
I have spent all morning on Facebook. Usually when I do that these days, I get annoyed at myself, because that means I am procrastinating doing the things I should be doing. But not today. Today I was fulfilling a promise to my twin girls who died inside me when they were 23.5 weeks old. I promised to make their lives mean something. Somehow, someway. … [Read more...]
Five
August 28, 2012 by 6 Comments
Guest Post by Nancy I began to write this in the days before what should be my son Wyatt’s fifth birthday. I know a lot after losing two children— a daughter then a son, during labor, both to cord accidents at full term. I know a lot I wish I didn’t know. I know that I’ll keep walking and breathing somehow, and I’ll be thankful for the love … [Read more...]
Learning To Trust
August 17, 2012 by 19 Comments
There is nothing like that feeling I get when my children speak of their sisters. We can be out running errands or just meeting someone new. My heart does a double take and I find myself holding my breath, watching for the telltale signs. Today, it went something like this as my three boys were in a waiting room and I came out of a doctor's office … [Read more...]
How Infertility Shapes Who We Become…
July 6, 2012 by 28 Comments
Thirteen years. That’s what I was thinking yesterday as I drove myself to my fifth embryo transfer in three years. I’ve been ‘at this’ for thirteen years. Thirteen years of trying to build our family. Thirteen years of being jealous of women who said, “My husband just looks at me and I get pregnant.” Thirteen years of baby … [Read more...]
Raising a surviving child from a multiple birth
June 15, 2012 by 34 Comments
“There’s your baby,” the sonographer said, ‘and there’s your other baby.” And that is how I found out that I was expecting, very unexpected, twins. I felt shocked, devastated and frightened. A first time mother, I wondered how on earth I would manage with two newborns. I must have turned white as the sonographer asked if I would like a … [Read more...]
There Is No Shame…
June 8, 2012 by 27 Comments
“The death of a child is a strain on anyone.” That’s putting it mildly, I think. While many hear that the divorce rates of couples who suffer the loss of a child are in the 70th, 80th or 90th percentiles, a 2006 study directed by Compassionate Friends found that only 16% of marriages ended as a direct result of or after the loss of a … [Read more...]
