I used to utter the phrase "You are so strong" to others when I had no idea what else to say. Little did I know how painful that was to actually hear until it was said to me after my losses. Alice was our first loss, and an early one in the beginning of an unknown pregnancy. She was gone before we knew she was even a possibility. I had never … [Read more...]
Empty Spaces of You
May 22, 2013 by 2 Comments
It's inside the spaces-- the pauses-- the infinite stillness-- that I most palpably feel the emptiness you've left behind. It's the silence of your missing voice that screams the loudest. It's every holiday that's impossible to truly celebrate. It's the painfully absent goodnight routine. It's the missing you in every picture of our … [Read more...]
When Grief’s Legacy is Fear
May 21, 2013 by 7 Comments
Exactly one year and six months ago, my husband and I said hello and then goodbye to our daughter, Eve. When the doctor told us that she'd died inside of me, I didn't see how I was going to survive her birth, much less the days and weeks and months of life-without-her that lay ahead. In fact, I hoped that I wouldn't survive. In the day's wait … [Read more...]
Today’s Gift
May 20, 2013 by Leave a Comment
I must have been almost ten weeks along, and the only person that knew about this little life growing inside me was my husband. Our first child. Three years ago. We decided that Christmas Day would be the perfect time to announce to our families that we were going to be parents. We handpicked some special things from Things Remembered and an online … [Read more...]
The Sound of Grief
May 14, 2013 by 6 Comments
Why do my children decide to climb on the outside and restricted area of the McDonalds play place? The one building they purposely invite you to explore winding slides, rope bridges and twisting tunnels is still not enough to keep them from eagerly pushing the boundaries. Amidst the many children who run, jump and scream throughout the play place, I … [Read more...]
I’m Tired, I’m Worn
May 13, 2013 by 1 Comment
Guest Post by Melissa Neu I don't know that I've ever been so exhausted. Sit and cry exhausted. Stomach hurting exhausted. "I'm tired, I'm worn, my heart is heavy. From the work it takes, to keep on breathing..." I’ve been seeing a counselor. I had put off making the appt I knew I needed because I didn't want to relive the whole story. It’s … [Read more...]
The Mother Cord – Parenting Without Fear
May 8, 2013 by 6 Comments
She draws me rainbows and colourful swirls and announces to me "This what heaven looks like, Mummy. My big brother is there. He died. But he is in heaven now, so it is okay. He has special lights on his hands". River, my daughter, sees things that I cannot. She tells me stories about how she has been to heaven before she came to live with us … [Read more...]
Weathering the Storm Together – Marriage after Child Loss
May 7, 2013 by 5 Comments
When I was pregnant with Nora I was worried about how introducing a child into our lives would change the relationship between my husband and me. Nick and I have had a strong loving connection since our first date, after meeting through online dating. We are a perfect match in every way. His calm and cool character balances out my anxious and worried … [Read more...]
Breaking the Silence
May 1, 2013 by 1 Comment
For years, woman have suffered in silence. It's been too long. Things are changing, but change can't come soon enough. I lost my baby when she was five days old, I am breaking the silence. I suffered two early miscarriages, I am breaking the silence. I am dealing with possible infertility, I am breaking the silence. I will no longer be … [Read more...]
Forever Love
April 27, 2013 by 5 Comments
My son should be turning seven. Seven. So far I've survived five of his birthdays without him. Five. He was killed when he was two. Two. It doesn't add up. It hasn't since the day he was violently robbed from me and it never will. Just thinking about another birthday without him makes me want to crawl into my bed and never come … [Read more...]
