I sit in pain, my heart broken in a million razor sharp pieces. Shards rip though my insides, drawing fresh blood with every quickening of my breath. With every gasp for air between sobs. Eventually, the tears stop falling. There seem to be none left. For now. But the numbness, that is worse. The numbness leaves me fearful. Fearful I’ll … [Read more...]
When I was pregnant with Nora I was worried about how introducing a child into our lives would change the relationship between my husband and me. Nick and I have had a strong loving connection since our first date, after meeting through online dating. We are a perfect match in every way. His calm and cool character balances out my anxious and worried … [Read more...]
A little while after Charlie died, a girl I volunteered with at the Ronald McDonald House shared her idea with me about the grieving process. She had lost her 5 year old to Cancer a few years earlier so she had experience and was already a member of the "Moms of Angels" club. She said grieving was much like a rock in your shoe. And you can’t get … [Read more...]
Guest Post by Jordanna Cook The speed at which life continues after the death of a child is astonishing. Days and nights pass slowly and painfully. Time stands in quiet stillness, though I beg for its merciful passing. Yet somehow weeks, months, and years disappear with brutal quickness. And time breezes by with agonizing ease, though I beg it to … [Read more...]
My son should be turning seven. Seven. So far I've survived five of his birthdays without him. Five. He was killed when he was two. Two. It doesn't add up. It hasn't since the day he was violently robbed from me and it never will. Just thinking about another birthday without him makes me want to crawl into my bed and never come … [Read more...]
Guest Post by Carrie I so rarely take the time to sit STILL anymore, to liberate my thoughts. Amidst the stack of work needing to be done for my bookkeeping clients, the homework assignment that was due an hour ago and all of the planning to be done surrounding this film, I feel compelled to allow myself to be in this moment. Right here, right … [Read more...]
Guest Post by Lisa Sissons I’ve spent a lot of time recently thinking about the regret that I feel regarding all of the events leading up to Finley’s death and some of the decisions that were made afterwards. Several people that I’ve spoken to have told me that I shouldn’t feel guilt or regret about what happened because in the circumstances, … [Read more...]
Turning as I loaded the dishwater, I knocked a teetering wine glass to the ground. It's thin glass spread across the tile, there must have been a hundred pieces. Those were just the ones I could see. As I bent down to sweep them up, the light caught on more slivers, tiny flecks were everywhere. Every time I thought I was done there were more. I … [Read more...]
I don't think that most people understand me when I say that my daughter was stillborn. That phrasing makes it sound passive, like it was something that just happened to me, externally. But that's not what a stillbirth is, and I imagine that's not what a miscarriage is either. A stillbirth isn't something that happened to me, or my daughter, or … [Read more...]
It did not happen because of something I did. It was not God's will. It doesn't make me feel any better when you speculate on why it happened. I hate the term "try again". It's okay for me to cry. It's not better or worse that my pregnancy wasn't further along. I don't want to be told it was for the best. I want to define it in my … [Read more...]
My son should be turning seven. Seven. So far I’ve survived five of his birthdays without him. Five. He was killed when he was two. Two. It doesn’t add up. It hasn’t since the day he was violently robbed from me and it never will. Just thinking about another birthday without him makes me want [...]
Guest Post by Megan Skaggs My first Mother’s Day was an incredible mix of emotions. I didn’t really know whether to be happy or sad; or crying or not. I remember feeling quite numb. Our surviving twin son, Will, was about 10 months old. His identical twin brother, MJ, had been dead for about 9 [...]
