Remember Me

Remember_Me

One of the hardest things about losing a child is the pull of time. Time will always move forward, while your child is frozen in time. It’s hard not feeling guilty about moving forward, growing older and living life. One of my greatest fears after Aurora died was that she would be quickly forgotten. No one really had a chance to meet her or get to know … [Read more...]

The Missing

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There is a place that most of the time is masked as I walk through my days. I call it "The Missing." Something can sweep passed me and unmask the covering over that tender spot in my heart…the spot of missing. And the ache will wash over me anew…the ache of missing the one who is lost. The spot is tender and raw and the ache is deep. It could be a … [Read more...]

Loss Resilience: Living the Contradiction

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I was once asked to describe myself in one word. The best I could come up with was: Contradictory. Trying to neatly fit me into a specific label or box is somewhat of an exercise in futility and frustration! I am a mother, yet I have no children here with me. I fiercely love my gone-too-soon daughters, yet I have chosen not to pursue having … [Read more...]

Even as I Lost, I Found

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I came across a quote that is attributed to Tennessee Williams. It made me think about many things. Most significantly, it made me think about the passage of time, as one is fording the river of loss.  “Time is short and it doesn’t return again. It is slipping away while I write this and while you read it, and the monosyllable of the of the clock is … [Read more...]

Where I Find You Now

Franchesca Cox

I think it will always be this way. In fact, I'm pretty sure that it will. While I stopped looking for you in certain places or things, my search never stopped. Searching doesn't mean you haven't accepted what's happened. It means you're a mother. A human with blood pumping through her veins and living with a loss so penetrating she thinks of her … [Read more...]

Currents of Grief

River

With a silent nod, a single tear streaming down her face, it was over. She lifted her stethoscope, and it was done. There was no more heartbeat. The lifeless form I held in my arms was one of the two I loved most on this earth. My little one. My younger son. My baby boy. It's been over nine months since that night. 3:47am. Nine months, and I “should … [Read more...]

How To Survive

How to survive after loss

When we found out we were expecting triplets I avoided the horror stories. I clicked away from tales of early labor, grim statistics and the unthinkable... losing a baby. I couldn't bear to think anything could happen to my unborn children. Truthfully, I wondered how women who suffered the loss of a child continued on. I could not imagine life after … [Read more...]

Dear Fear

Dear Fear - Article by Nathalie Himmelrich www.nathaliehimmelrich.com @mymissbliss

Having published my book 'Grieving Parents: Surviving Loss as a Couple' a year ago and being weeks away from having the book published in its German translation, I've been reminded at the vulnerability it brings: Having my name out there, my opinions, my story, my suggestions - they all leave room for criticism. The idea of having your most … [Read more...]

Standing At The Door

Dianastonepiece

I was supposed to get a cerclage several weeks ago. It was totally optional, nothing has changed and nothing really warrants one. In fact, none of my pregnancies (maybe my daughter's since I effaced early but didn't actually go into labor until 37 weeks) would have benefited from one. I had one with my son Kaden and it ended up being a disaster both … [Read more...]

On Grief as a Connection

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It’s not like when an adult dies. There are no shoeboxes full of photos, no lifetime of letters, no years of remember-those-one-times. When a baby dies – especially in stillbirth or miscarriage – we parents have little in the way of happy memories to cushion the blow or balance out the scales of loss. I find myself drawn to one of the things I … [Read more...]