How it almost was

lavanda me wo you

I wonder if I would have been a good mom to a girl. That's why I watched all the Gilmore Girls on my hard-drive while she was alive inside me. When the sadness hits... well... it wasn't sadness at first, it was disbelief. In the early days of knowing Luna would die, those odd conversation usually started with, "Can you believe this is actually … [Read more...]

The Puzzle of Grief

puzzle of grief

My life before losing Aiden was like a puzzle where the pieces were coming together to form the picture I had always imagined for my life. I had finished university, earning two degrees that interested me. I had a loving and supportive family who I was grateful for. I had a close group of friends who I loved and had fun with. I had travelled to some … [Read more...]

Sufficient Grace, Remembrance, and Light

Full SG Cover

When I opened the box of books, a release of emotion erupted from my depths like a dormant volcano holding back ten years of smoldering feelings. It was the most jumbled mix of joy, sorrow, accomplishment, relief, awe, gratefulness, and so many other emotions I can't name. Which makes me crazy...since words are my therapy. I sat on the floor of my … [Read more...]

Honor In All Circumstances


Last month I wrote about how yoga helped me to live through the paralyzing first months of my son’s loss in 2005. This month I want to share how reading also helped me to heal. I want to encourage those who are suffering loss to permit some small respite from the pulsing grief that surrounds those early weeks and months. I grew up with books. From … [Read more...]

Dear Newly Bereaved Mother

Dear newly bereaved mother

Dear newly bereaved mother, I couldn’t help but see you today at the cemetery. I saw your slow walk from the car to his special spot, I noticed the pain in your eyes as you loving tended to your boy’s grave and the way you lent on your husband for support. Emotions so familiar to me were painted on not just your face but on your whole being. I wished … [Read more...]

Boxes of Tutus


I want to buy things for you all the time. I see things I would never have hesitated to  buy you when I was pregnant and this was all a "sure thing". Parents don't just buy baby clothes. At least I didn't. I bought things for YOU. For my daughter. Things that fit our style, our humor, our interests. So they may not have been things you chose, but … [Read more...]

10 Ways to Honor Your Friend’s Child that Died this October

I remember with you meme

Do you have a friend whose baby died? Maybe she took a healthy baby home and months later her son died tragically of SIDS. Or maybe he never got to meet his baby awake outside of the womb because his daughter was stillborn. Maybe you have a friend who suffered a miscarriage more than once but once is enough pain to endure. Maybe you have a friend whose … [Read more...]

Their deaths, My legacy


"The only way I can introduce you to my sons is through me."  Whoa. Heard that from a grieving father who had lost his son in war. I can't imagine the pain of losing a child that was an adult. By then you know who they are, what drives them, what annoys them, what makes them laugh and what makes them cry.  The only way you could get to … [Read more...]

That’s my Daughter to Me

It's been two years, one month, two weeks and four days since my daughter died. I should have been watching my baby grow and blossom in that time, but instead I've had to learn to live without her. The day she died a part of me died as well. I try to fill that space with the gifts my daughter gave me. She taught me how precious life is and to value my … [Read more...]

He Walks With Me.


It has been two years, six months, three weeks exactly since my son took his last breath in my arms. The last hours of his life on earth were an infinite lapse in time where only he and I existed. A parallel plane, where in a flutter of seconds a lifetime of love was spun between us like silk. Delicate, beautiful, unfathomably strong. Life flows … [Read more...]