The Raw Reality Of Grieving “Right”

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  I think one of the hardest things in life is to feel like you don’t matter to someone. That’s probably the last thing that grieving parents need to feel. I can promise you, the guilt I carry around needs no encouragement from your opinions of whether I’m doing this whole grieving thing right. I have "moved on."  Every.  Single.  Day.   My … [Read more...]

Let Me Love Her

My grandfather died a few years ago. I was devastated to lose him. He was hugely influential and impactful in my life. He is a big reason I am who I am today. He is my family. When I talk about him to people I am met with smiles. They don’t need to have known him personally or to have met him. They can see how much I love him and they welcome hearing … [Read more...]

Say It Again

When something unbelievable happens to us or another person, many of us react by telling the story multiple times. We need to tell it to someone and see their reaction, maybe different reactions. "Can you believe she cheated on him?" "I heard he lost his job after screaming at his boss." "I was just driving down the road and she pulled in front … [Read more...]

There Is No Winning In Child Loss

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A couple weeks ago I had the incredible honor of winning a Butterfly Award in England. The Butterfly Awards honor champions and survivors of baby loss-- those making a difference in the lives of bereaved parents. Unfortunately I wasn't able to accept the award in person, but I did have the honor of writing an acceptance speech that was read on my … [Read more...]

How it almost was

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I wonder if I would have been a good mom to a girl. That's why I watched all the Gilmore Girls on my hard-drive while she was alive inside me. When the sadness hits... well... it wasn't sadness at first, it was disbelief. In the early days of knowing Luna would die, those odd conversation usually started with, "Can you believe this is actually … [Read more...]

The Puzzle of Grief

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My life before losing Aiden was like a puzzle where the pieces were coming together to form the picture I had always imagined for my life. I had finished university, earning two degrees that interested me. I had a loving and supportive family who I was grateful for. I had a close group of friends who I loved and had fun with. I had travelled to some … [Read more...]

Sufficient Grace, Remembrance, and Light

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When I opened the box of books, a release of emotion erupted from my depths like a dormant volcano holding back ten years of smoldering feelings. It was the most jumbled mix of joy, sorrow, accomplishment, relief, awe, gratefulness, and so many other emotions I can't name. Which makes me crazy...since words are my therapy. I sat on the floor of my … [Read more...]

Honor In All Circumstances

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Last month I wrote about how yoga helped me to live through the paralyzing first months of my son’s loss in 2005. This month I want to share how reading also helped me to heal. I want to encourage those who are suffering loss to permit some small respite from the pulsing grief that surrounds those early weeks and months. I grew up with books. From … [Read more...]

Dear Newly Bereaved Mother

Dear newly bereaved mother

Dear newly bereaved mother, I couldn’t help but see you today at the cemetery. I saw your slow walk from the car to his special spot, I noticed the pain in your eyes as you loving tended to your boy’s grave and the way you lent on your husband for support. Emotions so familiar to me were painted on not just your face but on your whole being. I wished … [Read more...]

Boxes of Tutus

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I want to buy things for you all the time. I see things I would never have hesitated to  buy you when I was pregnant and this was all a "sure thing". Parents don't just buy baby clothes. At least I didn't. I bought things for YOU. For my daughter. Things that fit our style, our humor, our interests. So they may not have been things you chose, but … [Read more...]