• Take Care Of You

    March 1, 2018

    I recently started reading a fictional book about a woman suffering from a severe case of post-partum depression. The character’s resentment and detachment from her baby, although primarily due to the condition she suffered from, was excruciating to read and so I stopped reading.  I could not allow myself to invest any more time in…

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  • Don't say God is good if you don't mean He is all the time.

    Don’t Tell Me God Is Good

    February 28, 2018

    Well, at least don’t tell me that when it’s attached to something like: You got the job! (God is good!) You closed on the house! (God is good!) That car barely missed you at the intersection! (God is good!) You’re carrying twins! (God is good!) See where I am going with this? Because the reality…

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  • Fight for Hope and Light

    February 28, 2018

    Recently I was out to celebrate the milestone thirtieth birthday of one of my dearest girlfriends. As we dug into our appetizer of deep-fried pickles, I asked what she wanted her thirtieth year to look like. Did she have special goals? Did she want thirty to look much different than twenty-nine, or had it been…

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  • How Adopting a Puppy Helped Me Grieve

    February 23, 2018

    When my son, Jonah, was stillborn at 30 weeks in January 2017, my beloved cat, Cally, was in her last months on Earth. Cally and I had an amazing bond, but at 22 years old, she was really, really old. Cally had lived the longest and loveliest of kitty lives, from the time we found…

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  • Healing Is Every Day Work

    February 14, 2018

    Someone recently asked me, “After all this time, and all the writing and speaking you’ve done about the twins, does it still hurt just as badly to talk about it?” I had to think long and hard before I answered. As with most things, there wasn’t really a yes or no answer for this. “Grief…

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  • My Passions: What’s For Me?

    February 14, 2018

    “How do I go on without my son and without my hope for a rainbow baby?” My husband had a second vasectomy after we conceived Reece Michael. That one was deemed successful after Reece was stillborn just two weeks prior. Having another baby is now wildly invasive AND expensive. I ached for another baby for…

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  • Grief On Demand

    February 13, 2018

    I write about grief. Not all the time, of course, but regularly scheduled. Grief on demand is difficult. It forces me to bring forward things that now, seven years after my Luke was stillborn, have been pushed to the hidden places of my mind – never forgotten, but displaced by the mundane and unrelenting beauty…

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