Today I share with you a reflection into my very own personal journey of life after loss. I share with you from the very raw to the most extreme emotions I have felt over the last eight years. Many of you will be relate to the uncontrollable emotions that can flip as fast as the blink of an eye. Extreme. That is what living life after … [Read more...]
One of the most sacred moments of my life was the very first time I held Matthew. The environment and his lifeless body, neither were as I had planned, but they were what I had. This was my hello and my goodbye. I sat in my black dress in a chair just a few feet from his little white “bed” and was surrounded by flowers, not happy flowers, but … [Read more...]
Before I begin this post, please let me say that I believe in life after death, I believe in heaven and in Jesus with ALL of my heart and I believe that my sweet Matthew is in heaven and I will be with him again. I now want to tell you a few things that I wish I didn't think about... I wish I didn’t think about my baby’s body being alone in … [Read more...]
Writing this month has been by far the most challenging for me. I am currently on the “withdrawal list” from life around me. Even posting to Facebook, Twitter, or any other social media site has been unwelcomed by this time in my life. I want it to all go away. Or I will go away from it. Let me see if I can explain. Earlier today, I … [Read more...]
Lately I have been surrounded in a sea of pregnancies, babies, congratulations to families here and there and I must say that each time, even in my excitement and joy for others, my heart bleeds for Matthew too. It is not so comfortable to admit that, but it is the truth. Sometimes it will even be on my mind, when it really isn't on my mind (make … [Read more...]
With the New Year on the horizon and the 2012 holiday season closing, I must admit that I cannot help but remember how relieved I was at the end of 2005 when my “first” holidays without Matthew were over. I don’t even think relieved is “enough” of a word for that! I sit here and wonder how many of you are feeling that too… I wonder how … [Read more...]
Tis’ the season, right? How many of you wish people giving thanks would just hush and the sound of holiday cheer would just go away? I would have been the first one with my hand in the air if asked that in 2005, maybe even in 2007, perhaps even in 2008… and surprisingly (or not) enough, I still have my moments today! Today is … [Read more...]
After Matthew passed away, I started searching for an online support group for mothers like me who had suffered a uterine rupture. When I was accepted to the group, I had an eager expectation of finding someone I could relate to and I started reading. I read a couple of stories and tried really hard to keep reading, but I couldn’t stand the pain I … [Read more...]
"I want to take your baby from you and ask you how it feels!" WHAT? I know, right? Yes, this is exactly how I felt in the early months after losing Matthew! I wanted to go to the hospital nursery and take ALL of the precious new babies and then go and ask their mamas how they felt! HOW COULD I FEEL THAT? HOW COULD I EVEN ADMIT … [Read more...]
I am totally intrigued by the reality that seems to be all over the airwaves today in our society. Intrigued because reality is defined as “the quality or state of being actual or true.” And what we see on the reality television shows can be narrowed down to this- “Relating to or being a genre of television or film in which a storyline is … [Read more...]
My son should be turning seven. Seven. So far I’ve survived five of his birthdays without him. Five. He was killed when he was two. Two. It doesn’t add up. It hasn’t since the day he was violently robbed from me and it never will. Just thinking about another birthday without him makes me want [...]
Guest Post by Megan Skaggs My first Mother’s Day was an incredible mix of emotions. I didn’t really know whether to be happy or sad; or crying or not. I remember feeling quite numb. Our surviving twin son, Will, was about 10 months old. His identical twin brother, MJ, had been dead for about 9 [...]
