Guest Post by Kelsey Vanderhorst of KVBIJOU Today marks a whole year that weʼve lived and breathed since watching our son slip from this world. A year of firsts. A year of unpredictable heartache. A year of tears and relearning how to live. A year of life without Zachary. Something I never imagined my heart would survive. Iʼm not sure it has, but … [Read more...]
My son should be turning seven. Seven. So far I've survived five of his birthdays without him. Five. He was killed when he was two. Two. It doesn't add up. It hasn't since the day he was violently robbed from me and it never will. Just thinking about another birthday without him makes me want to crawl into my bed and never come … [Read more...]
I opened the front door of our home and started walking. A new subdivision was under construction behind our home. Beyond the construction zone, it opened into a field marked with a tall wooden post that was spray painted with orange numbers. Honestly, it wasn’t the walk that I desired but rather some time alone. I needed to write. I needed … [Read more...]
Guest Post by Sara After my second baby died in 2008, people commented then that it was incredible I was ‘still standing’. I truly wasn’t. But, I won’t share that pain. I do want to let you know how I stood up again, and about the gifts my babies gave me. I needed to heal. For my daughter, for my partner, for my life, and for my … [Read more...]
In the South Pacific, I walked around the small island of Rarotonga curious about all the amazing flowers draped over the large cement boxes in the front yard of the homes. I was told that the Cook Island Maori bury their dead in their yard, performing a daily ritual and remembrance by covering the tomb of their ancestors in flowers. I've thought of … [Read more...]
My body failed me. It was raw autumn afternoon in 2009 and there was a chill in the air. Maybe it was the change in seasons. Or maybe it was the universe cluing me in. Our daughter wouldn't make it. I was 20 weeks pregnant. She was our first baby and suddenly our hopes, dreams, and plans for the future were whipped around in that crisp fall … [Read more...]
He woke up early and started his day. I struggled most mornings to get out of bed. He picked up the phone to answer with a happy 'hello'. I walked right by and let it ring. He tackled work as if his life depended on it. I let the clean laundry pile up on the couch and didn't care if it made it upstairs into drawers or not. He worked multiple … [Read more...]
What you need: - Gesso - Gel Medium (glossy works best) - Small Hand Towel - Paper Maiche Box - Paintbrush - Iridescent Acylic Medium (optional) - White Tissue Paper Step 1 Begin by 'painting' gesso over the box, and add small strips of the tissue paper to create texture, as seen below. Paint with more gesso over the tissue paper strips to … [Read more...]
I lost all faith in the universe the day we lost her. My happy little life shattered in an instant. Instead of the universe rewarding us with our first daughter and the start of a growing family, she left us with a vacant womb, empty arms, and a broken heart. I questioned everything I knew about the universe the day our Bella Rose was stillborn at 20 … [Read more...]
When Eve, my first child, died inside of me, I felt lost and afraid. What would become of me, of my marriage? Could I survive my daughter's stillbirth? Where was God, and why did He let my only child die? Most importantly, who was I now that this gift of a daughter had been snatched so cruelly and inexplicably from me? In the end, I did survive … [Read more...]
When I was pregnant with Nora I was worried about how introducing a child into our lives would change the relationship between my husband and me. Nick and I have had a strong loving connection since our first date, after meeting through online dating. We are a perfect match in every way. His calm and [...]
Exactly one year and six months ago, my husband and I said hello and then goodbye to our daughter, Eve. When the doctor told us that she’d died inside of me, I didn’t see how I was going to survive her birth, much less the days and weeks and months of life-without-her that lay ahead. [...]
