One of the toughest things for human beings to do is ask for help. We don't like it. We don't like to admit that we've had enough. We don't want to confess to holding onto more than we can handle. We don't like to expose any vulnerability. We don't like to feel helpless. And let's be honest—babyloss parents and those suffering from infertility already … [Read more...]
One day shy of a year ago, I wrote my first self-care article. It was about journaling as self-care. And it was well received and I was happy to have written it. I've written just shy of a dozen more articles on self-care. Time for a dose of honesty. Even though I know the best things that bereaved parents can do for themselves, I don't always do … [Read more...]
So often, after a loss, our relationship with our significant others--spouse, partner, boy- or girlfriend--gets left in the dust. Intimacy can suffer. It can be hard to even look the other person in the face sometimes, for a variety of reasons from feeling like a failure to feeling like perhaps they are a failure. Or perhaps you're grieving differently: … [Read more...]
One of the things that has been the most helpful for me was to finally tell my story. Everywhere I could. I told it to my friends, I told it to my co-workers, I told it to strangers, I told it to fellow congregants at church. And every time I did, someone cried. Sometimes it was me. Sometimes it was them. When I tell it now, I choke up, but rarely cry. … [Read more...]
In Diagnosis: Grief? and Diagnosis: Grief? (Part II) I wrote about the proposal to remove the bereavement exclusion from the diagnostic information for Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) in the American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM-IV). All of the proposed changes have been reviewed and the final decisions have been made … [Read more...]
It seems impossible, but the winter holidays are upon us. Thanksgiving is less than two weeks away! The prospect of the holidays can be daunting if you've lost a child or if you're aching to share the holidays with a child you're dreaming will one day join your family. I was very nervous about the holidays after Colin died. Our Thanksgiving and … [Read more...]
I know all too well how easy it can be to plop yourself on the couch with the TV, computer or book as your escape, your way to spend your free time. When you're grieving or hurting, mourning the loss or the baby that may or may not ever be, it frequently feels good to check out, I'll be the first to admit it. Grief is stressful; infertility is … [Read more...]
I was convinced that support groups weren't for me. I completed my grief counseling and I had the support of a Stephen Minister, a lay caregiver trained through our church. I had all the help I needed, I thought. But I didn't realize that something was missing. I had been referred to a support group via another babyloss mom, but never got up the … [Read more...]
The moments when I began to feel happy again during my grief journey took me by surprise. Whether it was an evening out with friends, or goofing around with my boys, happiness started to slowly seep back into a life that was so black and cold. But why would happiness be so disconcerting, especially when you are already so unhappy? We should … [Read more...]
It's been a few weeks since the shooting in Aurora, Colorado. Unfortunately, there are now dozens of grieving parents who have joined one of the world's lousiest clubs. Most of those children killed were teenagers or young adults. But there was an exception. A 6-year-old girl, Veronica Moser-Sullivan, was killed. In addition, a 3-month-old was … [Read more...]
… Yes, Jesus loves me. For the Bible tells me so. It had been a cloudy, rainy and all around dreary week. There were as many tears shed in the pediatric ICU of the hospital as there were raindrops that fell on Middle Georgia over the course of 3 days. Tests had been run. Checked [...]
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Before I became a mother, I used to image that my husband and I would have three kids, all quite close in age. I didn’t think to worry overly much about it, though. How hard could it be to create the family we wanted? Then our first child, our sweet daughter, died and was born. [...]
