I'm small, but scrappy! I have a fierce passion for my family, friends and life in general...I'm a military spouse who has battled infertility for over 12 years, as well as the loss of two babies gone too soon. I love to laugh, and am grateful for every second I celebrate with the ones I love. You can find me at my blog or facebook.
Well, that’s what many call it, I guess. You know…telling people Luke is not my only child. Tearing up a tiny bit sometimes when I see a Mama with three little boys giving her flowers they picked from her garden. Being wistful on those days that should have been filled with cake and presents, but I feel like I am the only one who … [Read more...]
I am five days away from the year anniversary of a D&C. No... It wasn't like walking into the hospital overdue and walking out a day later, having to get into a car with an empty carseat...anticipating the baby that would never sit in it. That was a hell all its own. But it was hell, of that you can be sure. It was not just some … [Read more...]
This. It's horrible. It's heartbreaking. It has brought me to more tears and to my knees more in the last week than I have been in the last year. Watching, begging and praying. For someone else's baby to live. I obviously know what it feels like to do that for my own babies. To sob so heavily as I beg God to please just let … [Read more...]
Many days, my heart hurts. Sometimes it's just a second or two as I glance at Matthew's picture...or think about the date (a year ago tomorrow, I was transferring our sweet little Trey). Other times, it's a bit longer at the end of the day when I have quiet time to think about things that the demands of the day don't always allow me to do. Most … [Read more...]
You know how sometimes you have something sit so, so heavily on your heart and in your mind, but you just don't even know how to say it or write it? You know you can't be alone, but you are afraid to say it or write it because you don't know of any easy way to do so. Any way to get it out without it coming across in a totally different way than you … [Read more...]
If you look at me like most people would…a perky little mom totally enamored and in love with her adorable baby boy, it could be natural for you to think that in my house, one stocking was hung—a stocking that will flow over with goodies and gifts for my obviously first and only child. And while I understand why most of the world could think … [Read more...]
Today is my little boy’s birthday. Three years ago, I heard my amazing doctor begging the sweet nurses around me to get me to the OR, FAST. She was 8 ½ months pregnant herself, and I knew things were not great when she began pushing my bed as fast as she could to the OR for an emergency C-section. Labor had gone on for almost 24 hours, and … [Read more...]
"A Woman Without A Country." That's the term I've been using to describe myself lately. In many aspects of my life right now, many things are settled, yet very unsettling to me. As a spouse of a United States service member, there are always uncertainties about job details, but things I know are inevitable. As a woman who has spent the … [Read more...]
About ten days ago, when I decided I was going to throw another article in this month, I already had the title in my head. "Free." I had just found out that this last cycle...the one that was full of twist and turns, but ended with great embryos to transfer after all, failed. I was not pregnant, and was not going to be anymore. I could give … [Read more...]
...and really, incomparable. One week from tomorrow, I should have been going into the hospital for the scheduled delivery of my third little boy. I'm not sure how that much time has passed...the time between seeing him curled up in my womb on the sonogram screen in front of me to now—months later as I am currently halfway through the … [Read more...]
Guest Post by Melissa Neu I don’t know that I’ve ever been so exhausted. Sit and cry exhausted. Stomach hurting exhausted. “I’m tired, I’m worn, my heart is heavy. From the work it takes, to keep on breathing…” I’ve been seeing a counselor. I had put off making the appt I knew I needed because [...]
Guest Post by Emilee Frisbie If someone would have told me a year ago where I would be now, I never would believe them. I would tell them that stories that sad are made up, purely fiction. I would tell them, things like that don’t happen to me. They don’t happen to my family. I [...]
