• Don't say God is good if you don't mean He is all the time.

    Don’t Tell Me God Is Good

    February 28, 2018

    Well, at least don’t tell me that when it’s attached to something like: You got the job! (God is good!) You closed on the house! (God is good!) That car barely missed you at the intersection! (God is good!) You’re carrying twins! (God is good!) See where I am going with this? Because the reality…

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  • No parent should have to hold the hand of an infant in ICU

    Just Two More Hours…

    November 28, 2017

    The other day, I stood in yet another new church. Since we’ve moved, we’ve been looking for the church we’ll call ‘home.’ Every church I attend has the meter of, “Will they tell me that Matthew’s death was planned?” and/or, “It was God’s will that he died,” as the measure by which I’ll decide where…

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  • Like seaglass getting etched by the sand, so are choices made after grief.

    There’s Always A Choice

    November 19, 2017

    It’s been nearly eight years this month since my first son was born and died. Years later, I still marvel at how I was able to breathe that cold day we put him in the grave. As I left his coffin, I begged him–plead with a dead child I’d never hold—to please ask God to…

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  • What This Feels Like…

    September 28, 2016

    This. It’s horrible. It’s heartbreaking. It has brought me to more tears and to my knees more in the last week than I have been in the last year. Watching, begging and praying. For someone else’s baby to live.   I obviously know what it feels like to do that for my own babies.  To…

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  • No Immunity

    September 21, 2016

    Many days, my heart hurts.  Sometimes it’s just a second or two as I glance at Matthew’s picture…or think about the date (a year ago tomorrow, I was transferring our sweet little Trey).  Other times, it’s a bit longer at the end of the day when I have quiet time to think about things that…

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  • A Weird Place…

    September 8, 2016

    You know how sometimes you have something sit so, so heavily on your heart and in your mind, but you just don’t even know how to say it or write it? You know you can’t be alone, but you are afraid to say it or write it because you don’t know of any easy way…

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  • Why There Are Three….

    September 2, 2016

    If you look at me like most people would…a perky little mom totally enamored and in love with her adorable baby boy, it could be natural for you to think that in my house, one stocking was hung—a stocking that will flow over with goodies and gifts for my obviously first and only child. And…

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