I have always been tall. Tall enough for work colleagues to question whether I really needed to wear those heels. Tall enough to be asked to reach things down from the top shelf in supermarket aisles. Perhaps as a result of having my height constantly drawn to my attention - as though I somehow failed to notice it during the thirty odd years I have … [Read more...]
About Catherine
My name is Catherine and I am honoured to have been asked to contribute to this amazing project. In 2008, I was thrilled to find myself pregnant with twin girls, a wonderful surprise. Sadly, my daughters arrived extremely prematurely at 23 weeks gestation. Despite the heroic efforts of many medical professionals, my eldest twin, Georgina, did not survive her early birth and passed away in the arms of her parents at three days old. We miss her terribly. Her younger sister, Jessica, spent three months in intensive care and a further month in a special care nursery before coming home to us at last.
I write about my experiences of neonatal loss, premature birth, the NICU and raising a surviving twin at my blog, Between The Snow and The Huge Roses. I am also a regular contributor to the online community Glow in the Woods. I am endlessly grateful for the support and comfort I have received from the online community and I hope that I can help other parents, walking along this difficult path.
Reconciliation
March 8, 2013 by 3 Comments
Reconciliation - the reestablishing of cordial relations. 'If the world would apologize, I might consider a reconciliation' - Mason Cooley. I always hope that, one morning, I will wake up and have, overnight, reestablished cordial relations with my first pregnancy, the birth of my two tiny daughters and the death of my eldest child. That I will … [Read more...]
Decisions, decisions
January 18, 2013 by 10 Comments
The life of a parent is one full of decisions. Some, their brows puckered with concentration, painstakingly riffling through books about organic food and educational methods. Choosing the best pram, sling, buggy, nursery, school, university, career path. Plotting a course decades into the future for a child barely even born yet. So careful and … [Read more...]
Dreamer
November 9, 2012 by 3 Comments
I've always been a daydreamer. I was the child staring out of the window instead of paying attention to the teacher. I grew into the young woman who stared out of the window instead of paying attention to the boss. Eyes always gazing beyond the horizon, to an imaginary place that seemed so much more interesting than the reality that I found myself … [Read more...]
Disappeared
September 14, 2012 by 22 Comments
This is a companion to my previous article for Still Standing, Hidden. My daughter, Georgina, did not look like the baby that I had imagined. She did not look like the babies that you see on advertisements for diapers or formula milk. She wasn't softly pastel pink and chubby, rounded. Her eyelids were fused shut at birth. She wasn't 6 lb, 7oz, she … [Read more...]
Hidden
August 10, 2012 by 24 Comments
The birth story. Told. Re-told. Mythologised and chronicled in baby books. Discussed. In staff rooms and workplaces. Amongst family and friends. Details. Hours. Pain. Interventions. Baby weights. Husbands, fainting or strong. Midwives, calm or anger inducing. The story. Once told, we are never the same again. Perhaps that is why it is so often … [Read more...]
All that remains
July 13, 2012 by 33 Comments
It's summer again. I always used to love the heat, the flowers, the bright green of the grass and trees against the blue of the English summertime sky. When we're lucky and it isn't raining. Again. But now. Now, it is a bittersweet time of year. Reminding me of the final days of my pregnancy. As the seasons change, I return, unerringly, to the … [Read more...]
Raising a surviving child from a multiple birth
June 15, 2012 by 34 Comments
“There’s your baby,” the sonographer said, ‘and there’s your other baby.” And that is how I found out that I was expecting, very unexpected, twins. I felt shocked, devastated and frightened. A first time mother, I wondered how on earth I would manage with two newborns. I must have turned white as the sonographer asked if I would like a … [Read more...]
Returning to Work After Loss
May 18, 2012 by 45 Comments
I’d imagined going back to work. Fondly daydreaming. Shyly proud, showing off my twins. Returning to work after you’ve lost a baby can be a difficult time. One moment you are in your office, in your school, with a pregnant belly just starting to show. Or full term, walking out of your workplace bearing baby gifts? Or with exciting news to tell of … [Read more...]
