Beth Morey is a writer and the self-taught mixed media artist behind Epiphany Art Studio. She relies upon her faith, the written word, and her artwork and photography to help process her daughter's stillbirth and to explore what it means to live after your child has died. Beth writes about finding the beauty amongst the ashes of life on her blog. She lives in Montana with the Best Husband Ever (sorry, ladies), their rainbow son, and their three naughty dogs.
Before I became a mother, I used to image that my husband and I would have three kids, all quite close in age. I didn't think to worry overly much about it, though. How hard could it be to create the family we wanted? Then our first child, our sweet daughter, died and was born. And suddenly, the idea of family planning felt incredibly … [Read more...]
Exactly one year and six months ago, my husband and I said hello and then goodbye to our daughter, Eve. When the doctor told us that she'd died inside of me, I didn't see how I was going to survive her birth, much less the days and weeks and months of life-without-her that lay ahead. In fact, I hoped that I wouldn't survive. In the day's wait … [Read more...]
I don't think that most people understand me when I say that my daughter was stillborn. That phrasing makes it sound passive, like it was something that just happened to me, externally. But that's not what a stillbirth is, and I imagine that's not what a miscarriage is either. A stillbirth isn't something that happened to me, or my daughter, or … [Read more...]
When I was pregnant with our rainbow baby, it was hard for me to purchase anything for him. I wanted to, but the death and stillbirth of our daughter loomed large in my mind and I was afraid to bring more baby items into our home that might go unused. But as his due date drew near, my nesting instinct kicked in and I began to collect items that … [Read more...]
Let me tell you a secret. Sometimes I want to forget that I have a daughter that died. Not because I don't love her or want her or miss her terribly (I do). But because this road can be flat-out exhausting. Sometimes I want to pretend that our rainbow son is our first child, so I don't have to fumble for an answer that doesn't hurt when people … [Read more...]
Today I ran across this photo. It was taken by my husband in late September 2011. That's me on the right, showing off the baby clothes I'd bought for the baby that we'd just found out was a girl. I had officially crossed the halfway point of the pregnancy, and was so excited to meet our daughter. I had no idea that in less than two months I'd be … [Read more...]
This is a photo of the current state of my (rather messy) kitchen table. I wonder if the collection of items on it might come across as rather strange to someone who doesn't know me well. The formula samples, the how-to book on newborns, the envelope of infant-related coupons – these all make sense, because the presence of our recently born rainbow … [Read more...]
When my husband and I drove away from the hospital where our daughter, Eve, was stillborn, empty armed and brokenhearted, the future felt like a wide open blank. I didn't know what to expect – other than to expect to grieve. I knew that not only did I need to grieve, but that I wanted to. When we arrived home without our baby girl, the phrase … [Read more...]
Today has been one of the most beautiful days I've had in a long while. The kind of day for which there are not words to describe the sweetness. Three days ago was the eight month mark of my baby's death. That day hit me hard, and continues to. The tears have flowed freely. Sleep eludes me. How is it that those two realities can coexist, that such … [Read more...]
There is a huge level of pain and need in the babyloss and infertility community. I suppose that shouldn't surprise me, but recently it absolutely blew me away. As a contributing writer for Still Standing, I have access to the post topic suggestions that newsletters subscribers submitted when they signed up to be on the Still Standing Mailing list. … [Read more...]
… Yes, Jesus loves me. For the Bible tells me so. It had been a cloudy, rainy and all around dreary week. There were as many tears shed in the pediatric ICU of the hospital as there were raindrops that fell on Middle Georgia over the course of 3 days. Tests had been run. Checked [...]
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Before I became a mother, I used to image that my husband and I would have three kids, all quite close in age. I didn’t think to worry overly much about it, though. How hard could it be to create the family we wanted? Then our first child, our sweet daughter, died and was born. [...]
