• Rage Running

    April 11, 2018

    Seething with rage, I laced up my shoes into double knots. Earlier in the day, I had been part of a conversation involving teen pregnancy. This particular teen was not yet pregnant but seemed very flippant about becoming so. In the middle of the hot mess that was her life, she didn’t care if she…

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  • Stillbirth: Something Left Unseen

    March 14, 2018

    Writing my baby’s name in the sand was something I’ve been wanting to do since he died. After more than two years, I had not forgotten this desire and I found myself at Waikiki Beach in Hawaii. I picked a spot and began crafting it carefully, focusing, pulling chunks of sand to sharpen the clarity…

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  • My Passions: What’s For Me?

    February 14, 2018

    “How do I go on without my son and without my hope for a rainbow baby?” My husband had a second vasectomy after we conceived Reece Michael. That one was deemed successful after Reece was stillborn just two weeks prior. Having another baby is now wildly invasive AND expensive. I ached for another baby for…

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  • Kintsugi: Beauty in the Broken

    January 10, 2018

    Months ago, I was having a discussion with an expecting colleague. I was explaining how Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth changed my life. I offered to loan it to her so she could read the science and experiences of natural childbirth. The book had strong sentimental value, but in an effort to loosen up, I…

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  • A Letter to My Reece on His Birthday

    November 8, 2017

    Dear Reece, Happy birthday, my sweet littlest one! How is it that two years have gone by? At 11:36pm on November 8th, 2015, you were born weighing 4 pounds 15ounces and spanning 18 ½ inches. You had fuzzy red hair and giant feet. Your sweet baby skin was so soft. You looked like your biggest…

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  • Establishing Support While Receiving EMDR Therapy for PTSD

    October 9, 2017

    Before the first session of EMDR, we established a support system so I could recover from each session. It is not unlike “finding your village” as a woman transitions out of pregnancy and into postpartum life. Following each session, exhaustion would set in as my brain scrubbed away my old way of thinking and regrouped…

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  • Draining the Swamp: Using EMDR Therapy to Treat PTSD After Baby Loss

    September 8, 2017

    “Here you go,” she handed me two-pager sized buzzers, one for each hand. She turned the knob to on and I felt an instant discomfort. At first I was itchy. Then suddenly, I was back in a dimly lit hospital bed, my doula cooing in my ear. I was doing my best to fight against…

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