Pregnancy can be overwhelming, scary, and exciting all in one. Naturally, you start to plan your future around the new life forming inside you.
Is it a boy or a girl? Who will the baby look like?
But planning does not protect you from unpredictable events.
You don’t plan for it all to change before your plans start to evolve.
You don’t prepare to hear your baby doesn’t have a heartbeat.
You don’t plan to hear, “You’re going through a miscarriage.”
It doesn’t just “end” after you find out you’re having a miscarriage.
Nobody tells you that you’re going to suffer through contractions as you go through the process.
Nobody tells you that you’re going to want to lay lifeless in your bed, praying time quits turning so you can try to understand why you have to go through what you’re going through.
Nobody tells you that you’ll have to take medicine to slow down your bleeding or tells you about all of the blood clots you’ll pass – and with each one, you’ll break down in tears wondering if you’re flushing your baby down the toilet.
You never expect miscarriage to happen to you. You’ll start to question everything, even when you know deep down it’s not your fault and you couldn’t have changed anything.
You’ll question why your body failed, why couldn’t your body do the job it was made for, why couldn’t it protect the baby it created.
Your emotions are going to run high, and everything triggers new and so differently after miscarriage. You can have the best day of your life, and all it takes is the smallest thing to drag you back into a dark hole.
Simple, everyday tasks like walking past the baby section at Walmart become unbearable.
Every time you think it’s over, it’s not.
You’ll get your period back for the first time, and you’ll be devastated all over again, wondering why is this happening to me, I should be pregnant.
Miscarriage is finding out that your best friend, cousin, or sisters are pregnant and feeling your heartbreak all over again. Not because you’re not happy for them – but because you’re angry with your body.
Miscarriage is trying to figure out how you can be happy for them and still be sad for you. You can be both; you’re allowed to be both.
The pregnancy jokes that never used to bother you are going to hit you like a brick wall.
And those silly comments people always make when you’re at a baby shower or around babies, start to hurt.
“Getting baby fever, huh?”
“Ready for another one?”
“Makes you want one, doesn’t it?”
People are so innocent and mean no harm, but I can assure you no one who is going through loss wants to hear, “It’s ok, you’re young, you can have another” or “Thank god you weren’t further along” or “Maybe it wasn’t meant to be, just wasn’t the right time.”
We understand that you’re searching for the right words and mean nothing by it, but I promise there are no right words and what you’re saying only hurts more.
If you have to say anything, just say I’m sorry, but know we’re sorry too.
We are not only trying to understand but also grieve.
But how do you grieve the life of someone you’ve never met but still loved with every ounce of you?
How do you let go of someone you’ve never held?
Miscarriage is so complicated, and something you’ll never fully understand until you’re put through it and have no choice but to understand it.