Those of us who have been through child loss know as well as anyone the power of a moment in time. Grasping those moments with the child you know you may not have long, and trying to survive in the meantime and the after. It’s so easy to slip into a depressive cycle after losing your…
This will be the second Holiday that my husband and I will be spending without our son, Noel. To say the least, any normal day is hard enough but the Holidays are particularly difficult. Especially if you come from a family like ours that currently have newborns or small children close to the age our son would be. It definitely stabs at your heart a bit. (Parents don’t feel bad for feeling hurt when you see other happy families with their children. It’s normal; just continue to push through and know you’re not the only ones). This is the time where you as friends/family come in.
But seriously, do not feel pressured to find the perfect words in order to make us feel better. I don’t believe those words exist. Most of the time, personally, I just need presence. This doesn’t always literally mean, I need you to sit next to me. Instead, I need a friend that is HERE NOW. That could be as easy as checking in, having a short and sweet conversation about what you’re going to cook for the holidays or about anything at all. Don’t ever think that we need to specifically talk about our loss, etc., to feel better. Some people actually like avoiding having to talk about it. No one knows your friends better than you, so just try to be there in a way you know your friends would appreciate.
IT’S THE LITTLE THINGS
Don’t get me wrong. I do enjoy when my friends bring our son up. Just recently out of the blue, a friend sent a video that made her think of me and of the pain I went through (and continue to go through), and she let me know that she was here for me if I ever needed to talk to her about him. She apologized for not bringing him up, and let me know that she does think of him often.
This was honestly very very sweet of her. It was something I didn’t even know I needed around this time of year, but I’m glad she randomly reached out. I let out a good cry, something that I personally don’t do very often, so it was definitely much needed.
HELP HONOR/REMEMBER THEM DURING THE HOLIDAY SEASON
If you give thanks over this Holiday season, or if you say prayers or remember those lost, please do not forget to remember our little babies. It’s an awful feeling when our children are left out. Try not to forget that while they are not physically here with us, they are in our hearts and we’d like to honor them in that way this holiday.
MOST OF ALL
Be nice and caring this holiday season. Remember it’s not all about gift giving but also about friendships that need to be cherished. We are vulnerable, and nothing brings us more joy than being around the people that love us.
To all the stillbirth parents and family and friends of stillbirth parents, I send a warm hug to you all. I hope that your heart is filled with peace and positive vibes and that you get through the holidays with a smile and warmth in your hearts.
ALL MY LOVE!
Related Post: 5 Simple Ways to Include Your Child in the Holidays