Forever Yours

Dear Emma,

This month marks your third birthday. The third one you’ve spent without us, the third one you should have been celebrating with your twin brother. The third one that my heart aches wishing you were here.

Sweet girl, I know you’re in a better place. My mind knows that, my heart knows that, even my soul knows that. But it doesn’t make me wish any less that on your special day you were in my arms. Not one little bit. That will never change.

So on your birthday, here’s what I hope for you:

I hope that you’re happy. I hope that you are surrounded by those who love you. I hope that your Grandpa, your Uncle, your friends, and all of those who are up there with you are throwing you the biggest birthday party of all with everything pink you can imagine. I hope that this and every birthday are the celebration of all celebrations, because you deserve it my love.

I hope that you know just how loved you are. Do you know that we pray for you every night? That we thank God for your very existence? That we are so beyond grateful that you are ours and we are yours? I hope so. I pray that you hear our prayers and that each night you hear your brother thank the Lord for his sissy.

I hope that you know you will never be forgotten. We talk about you often. We talk about you to your brothers, to friends, family, and even strangers. We share about your life, your impact you’ve had on us, the impact your little footprints have had on the world. Because they have. Oh baby girl, you have made more of an impact in your short time than many can make in lifetime. You should be proud of yourself and what has happened because you lived. I know I am.

I hope you know that we will always miss you. We will miss how you feel in our arms, the softness of your hair, the beauty that you were until the day we die and are reunited with you. We will miss what should have been. Your first words, your first day of school, meeting your first love, your wedding, what your children would have looked like. Each and every big and little moments we think of you and wish you were here with us.

I’ll always cherish the time we had my love. Twenty-three days was not long enough, although longer than many get, so thank you. Thank you for blessing us with each and every single second we had with you. I will hold onto those memories for the rest of my days.

Happy Birthday baby girl. We will continue to honor you and live our lives the best we can because of you. You’ve given us the best gift ever, which is being your parents. For that we will be forever grateful. We love you sweet Emma. We miss you. We will continue to honor you. And although we will try our hardest to focus on the positive, I’m sure we will weep for you. How can we not when a piece of our heart isn’t here with us. Please hold us close on days like this just as we will do with your memory.

Forever yours,

Your Momma

Graphic from Luminous Lights Studio

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    Amelia Kowalisyn

    Amelia Kowalisyn

    Amelia’s journey through loss started in 2012 with her first miscarriage. Now 5 years later she has experienced a total of 4 miscarriages and loss of her precious twin daughter Emma Rose at 23 days old. Amelia feels that sharing her story and being open about the pain as well as the healing that comes in time after loss has been an important part to her journey and her mission to helping other families. She encourages families to look for the joy that can be found because of the love we have for our children and tries to find that in each day as she raises her surviving twin son Alex and her second set of twins Cameron and Christian.

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