In the infertility world, there are things that every infertile cringes at hearing.
“Go on vacation, you’ll come back pregnant”
“Just adopt, my hairdressers husbands cousins teacher adopted and 3 months later she found out she was pregnant!”
We have all heard those in one form or another more times than we ever wanted to. Lately though another phrase has been making me even more stabby than all the others:
“You’ll have your baby some day!”
It’s said to me by everyone. My husband, family members, and especially those in the infertility community. I want to scream every time I see it written or hear it said. No one can possible know if anyone will end up with a child.
Let’s face it, there are some of us that will never have a child.
There, I said it for the masses to see it but it’s true whether we want to admit it to ourselves or not. The moment I truly understood this with all my heart and soul a huge weight lifted off of me. I was moving on to a new part of grieving. Acceptance. I finally accepted the fact that I may NEVER have a child and oh my Gods did that hurt. It hurt more than not getting pregnant, it hurt more than seeing a negative pregnancy test.
This wasn’t some overnight thing, it happened over a few months and took me nearly 6 years to get to this point. Some women may never get here and others have gotten here much faster than I. Am I saying, “It will happen when it happens.” ? Gross, no, I hate that one almost as much as “just relax”, I’m just accepting what may or may not come for us.
After the hurt left the acceptance took over. In accepting the truth everything shifted, there is no other way to explain it. I began to move on. My focus isn’t in trying to conceive anymore and to admit that is so strange but it’s also totally fine.
I’ll say it again, it’s fine to move on. It’s fine to grieve. Do I still want to have a baby, more than anything? Of course. Do I nearly make myself crazy trying to do it? No. I still want to do some intervention such as IUI, but I won’t beat myself up over the fact it isn’t happening now. I’ve accepted that it may never happen and I’m as OK with that as I ever will be.