Please Don’t Forget About My Child

[media-credit name=”Jessi Snapp – Luminous Light Studio” align=”aligncenter” width=”707″][/media-credit]

Please, don’t forget about my child. This is my heartfelt plea. I know you love and care about my family. I know that you don’t always understand nor do I expect you to. I know that you wouldn’t want to cause more pain to our already aching hearts. So, you mention my child less for fear of stirring up the dust that has seemingly settled. The truth is, the idea that my child will one day be forgotten is one of my greatest fears.

The less you talk about him the more that fear feels like a reality. I don’t expect him to be the topic of every conversation. I don’t expect you to mention him every time I see you. Perhaps at one time or another, I wanted that. But time has taken me further and further away from the early days of deep, suffocating grief. Even though I am always reluctant to admit it, I know the world has carried on. But what I need and what I want now is just to know that he has not been forgotten.

Related: You Never Forget

Maybe that means the occasional, “I thought about him the other day…” but mostly it means I need you to remember the important day he was born and the day he died. You see my friend, I don’t expect you to fix any of this. And really all I need is to know that his name can be mentioned without fear, without guilt, and without uncertainty. I need to know that he is remembered because at the very least, he deserves that. He does not deserve to be swept under a rug because you fear my tearful response. Or because you think that my grief has subsided. Or because you have moved on. Or because you have trouble talking about him.

He deserves better than to be forgotten or remain unmentioned. After all, he is still my child.

My child is a huge part of who I am now. You know this. His name and his face replay in my mind every single day. Even the days I smile or the days where joy washes over me. He is still at the heart of who I am now. And I need you to know that it’s okay. It is okay to speak his name whether it is a good day, bad day, or a sad day. It’s okay and it’s what I need from time to time.

I need to be reassured that his life holds within it so much value, still. I need to know that his story is not over and his story has not been forgotten, even though he has been gone for some time now. I need to know that I do not remember him alone. And all it takes to remind me of these things is to say his precious name. I don’t need gifts, I don’t need flowers or cards. I just need you to say his name aloud, unapologetically, and unprovoked.

Related: She Took Him From Me

I need you to remember the significance of important days like his birthday. Because while they are normal average days to you, they are days that we remember, that we mourn. They are days that bring up extremely complicated feelings. It doesn’t matter how many years have passed. These days are significant to my family. And they always will be.

So please, please don’t forget about my child. The greatest gift you can give to my family is the gift of remembrance. It costs you nothing. It requires very little. Yet it is more precious than gold. Hearing my child’s name is the greatest reminder that he has not been forgotten.

And there is nothing that I want more.





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    Jessi Snapp

    Jessi Snapp

    Jessi is a wife, mother to one on earth and three she carries in her heart, artist, writer, student, and a perpetual optimist. Always trying to find the light – even in loss. She is the creative behind Luminous Light Studio where she creates art for bereaved families.

    September 28, 2016

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    19 Comments

    1. Reply

      Candace

      September 28, 2016

      It was a year on 9/26 when my Abby took her own life. This is my fear. I don’t want her to be forgotten because to me she makes me who I am.

    2. Reply

      Roopal

      September 28, 2016

      Thankyou for putting into words what I can’t.xxx

    3. Reply

      Rinette

      September 28, 2016

      This is so true and I have this painful journey with my memories and the missing of my son, josh, in my life. It is as though…. “We are over it”… In 20 months. He was 34.❤️

    4. Reply

      Karen Campbell

      September 28, 2016

      Our family lost our sweet Baby Dylan to cancer in March 09.I will never forget him. He lived, his name was Dylan,poohbear boy,applejack,love.Each member of our family had their own relationship with him..We loved him he loved us.We fought the battle but lost the war.He is not forgot, some days are better than others.There is so much that can happen to take you right back to that day,minute, with him.I speak his name,I smile,I cry I feel numb on the dates of his birthday,anniversary of his death.other days you recall when he got bone marrow liver transplant, chemo.on & on. Dont forget our family baby Dyaln.He is always & forever a part of our lives.Love u back Pooh bear boy!

    5. Reply

      Tina

      September 28, 2016

      I also lost my son to osteosarcoma and I want to give back but other than donating, I don’t have the strength to step back into the hospital. I commend you.

    6. Reply

      Belle

      September 28, 2016

      Dearest Diane sweet sister. Your precious Shawn is not forgotten nor will he ever be. Just this visit to DebbieAustin and John Mark I was speaking of him and the music he loved.

    7. Reply

      Tricia

      September 28, 2016

      I hope and pray that no one forgets. I don’t no you but today is a day I won’t forget. Thank you for sharing. God bless you and your family.

    8. Reply

      Cheryl

      September 28, 2016

      This is a beautiful poem. My little girl Sammy Challen Thomas will forever be 16 days young. Though her life on earth was brief it was more precious than words can say. This time of year always brings me sadness coming up to her birthday in November its hard to believe shed be 18. But Its also a joyous time now I have my beautiful son whos birthday is 6 days after my angel daughter who im so blessed to have. Xxxxxxxxxzzzz

    9. Reply

      Henri

      September 29, 2016

      I love this so much! I don’t know how many times I have said basically the same exact thing. Even though our precious angel has only been gone just 3 short months, it seems like it’s been a lifetime. He was such a blessing and he brought joy to everyone and even though sometimes it’s hard to understand, I know that God knew he was so special that he needed him by his side in heaven and that yes his story is far from being over. I do find it funny sometimes people tend to shy away from me because I lost my son, like they are looking out for my feelings, but really it’s them that cannot handle the truth. That’s why I say for me personally, it helps me to say my son’s name, tell his story,hang up his pictures, and remember the time we had with him on Earth. I am not going to act like he wasn’t here. So, in closing, I agree with everything that was said in the story above and I am thankful to whom ever had the nerve to share it.

    10. Reply

      Kris M.

      September 29, 2016

      Beautifully written. This holds true as well for birth parents who lost a child to adoption. It is a tragic fate for mother and child to be separated for eternity. You never get over losing a child even when you know they live on out there with others. It is painful.

    11. Reply

      Erica Watkins

      September 29, 2016

      Thank you! It’s hard to put grief into words. I am also relieved to know this feeling is not just my own, it’s shared by many who know the pain of losing a child. Joey, my son and only child, died at age 19 less than 7 months ago. I miss him tremendously and there is never a moment where I wouldn’t want to talk about him.

    12. Reply

      Amy M.

      September 29, 2016

      Well said. Shared Jonah’s story with my 8year old at the bus stop this morning. Also shared our own 2nd son story about T21 . We were tested early in pregnancy for 1:6 for T18 or T21… born a T21 kiddoe but we studied up on both. Blessings and prayers your way. Jonah on!! We all travel this world but once and leave footprints and memories behind to light the way for others. Thank you for being honest and real and sharing your triumphs and struggles.

    13. Reply

      Rodd Joseph

      September 29, 2016

      This article was sent to me by a friend. It is beautiful, raw and honest. It perfectly describes the way I feel about my 7 month old son Ryland Robert Joseph who passed away in 2013 at the University of California San Francisco, Benioff Children’s Hospital. Ryland being forgotten was and continues to be my biggest fear. It makes me feel good when people talk about him, even if it also makes me a bit sad. Parents should not outlive their children so the mere mention of their names, keeps their memories alive. It is the best thing a parent who has lost child has. A saddened father…☹️

      • Reply

        Tami

        September 30, 2016

        I will NEVER forget Ryland! He was one of the most adorable little boys I have ever seen. I will never forget his beautiful smile.

    14. Reply

      Teresa Savaikie

      September 30, 2016

      My precious son will be forever 14, killed instantly when a speeding driver ran a red light on the city of Santa Clarita’s already dangerous roads. He stepped out into the cross walk July 2015 was hit at 62 miles an hour behind our home, dying instantly. Wyatt, my sweet Gentle Giant, a hero to so many friends, always protecting the vulnerable, always protecting kids from bullies, he did not know color, religion or social status, He was stunningly beautiful but his soul was so deep and rich and yet he was so funny. The kind of person that cannot really be described in words, he was the kind of young man that made you feel good, made you want to smile by just being around him. The man that killed him got only 2 weeks in jail, its sickening, our justice system – cars are weapons when drivers fail to understand that the power, drivers that think they own the road and a justice system that fails to punish drivers that take our loved ones life. I miss him so much, Its been a little over a year, he would have turned 16, when he left my side that awful day, we had just talked about how excited he was about high school, about turning 16 so he could driver, about turning 16 and being old enough to date, he left that day, on the way to work out at the gym ad then suddenly he was gone, all his hopes, his dreams, his goodness, he made the world better for everyone that knew him, hundreds and hundreds of kids filled our home for weeks, I always knew he was special but the beautiful stories told by his friends only enforced what a beautiful person, soul, individual he was, not just in my eyes, or his fathers eyes, or siblings eyes but to his friends, our neighbors and my life will never, ever be the same, a part of me died with him that day, I have not slept through the night since that senseless tragic, heart wrenching day that we lost our sweet son Wyatt.

    15. Reply

      Tarah

      September 30, 2016

      This really resonates with how I feel. My son passed nearly 14 years ago and I miss him everyday! My niece forwarded this post on to me.

    16. Reply

      Sarah

      October 10, 2016

      I read this with tears in my eyes, as this is my biggest fear.. The fear of forgetting my baby boy.. The one that made me a mom on August 14th, 2016..
      His name is August and it seems people around me, both family as well as friends and colleagues, are afraid to speak out his name. To say his name out loud… It makes the pain of his loss almost much bigger, much more painful..

      Thank you for describing so beautifully and correctly how it feels…

    17. Reply

      Erica

      October 21, 2016

      Teresa, your Wyatt was truly special. Your memories of him are beautiful to read. The pain makes me cry with you. I personally found comfort in Gods promise of no more death, tears or pain. Revelation 21:4 and that we will be able to see our loved ones soon here on earth. John 5:28. You will be in my prayers because i long for when innocent are not hurt and they receive justice. Ps 37:10,11

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