What Is Normal After Your Baby Dies?
I’ve never gotten the urge to pull my daughter’s clothes out before. I’ll come across theme from time-to-time and look them over, but a few weeks ago, I got the urge to run my hands across all of the unused items that we’ve saved (we donated many of them). I wanted to feel them. I wanted to think about the stories behind each garment. I also wanted to share them and the stories behind the pieces.
I pulled them out and snapped some photos, wrote captions and uploaded them to Instagram and Facebook.
Even better than the moments remembering and sharing Cora, was something that happened in the comments. More than one loss mother commented that she too kept some of her baby’s cloths. We talked about not washing them, or washing them, or donating them all or keeping them all–whatever felt right to us.
Then one loss mom wrote that she was so thankful she stumbled on the pictures that night and the comment underneath. She’d kept her baby’s clothes too, but never talked about it because she didn’t know if was “normal.” After seeing my post, she felt less alone and more “normal.”
This post is for any of you that ever wondered or feared your reactions were out of the ordinary.
It’s normal to keep your baby’s clothes.
It’s normal to look at them every day.
It’s normal to donate all of your baby’s clothes.
It’s normal to seal them up and never look at them again.
There is no right or wrong way to do this.
Sure if your friends or family haven’t lost a baby, they might think or even say something you do isn’t normal.
They are wrong.
We all don’t react the same. What feels right for some of us doesn’t feel right for others, and that’s okay. It’s all normal.
You are normal if you wanted your baby cremated.
You are normal if you buried your baby and decorate the grave.
You are normal if you can’t find it in you to visit your baby’s grave.
When you feel abnormal, please know you are not alone.
Not everyone can understand, and yes, sometimes people will judge, but just remember that they can’t possible fathom what you’ve been through and that’s okay. We don’t want them to understand.
YOU are normal.