A picture worth a 1,000 words.
Today, today I am 12 weeks pregnant with our rainbow baby.
Aidan is a big brother. Those words bring me to my knees.
So many emotions. More than I am able to express in any sort of sensical way.
I am so excited. So happy. Brimming with hope.
I am so scared.
What if it happens again? What if something else goes wrong?
What if people forget about Aidan?
That’s the big one. That’s the fear I have been afraid to put words too. That’s the reason I haven’t been able to blog or write much.
My excitement is overwhelming. At the same time, my heartaches from missing my little boy. I cannot explain that.
I cherish every single day. Even though most of them have been rough physically, I know that they may be all that I have. Aidan taught me that.
Every day I think of him and wonder what life would be like if he were here. How would I have managed an infant and the complications that have come along with this pregnancy? And then it hits me, if it weren’t for Aidan’s life, I most likely would not be sitting here pregnant. If it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t have Twinkle. There is so much power in this knowledge. There are so many things that I would not know if it hadn’t been for Aidan and the journey we are on. Too many to even attempt to list.
While there are no guarantees, no promises, I know that this baby is a gift. One that deserves its own excitement of hopes and dreams.
I have been unsure of what to say. How to explain how this baby and Aidan are both a part of our family without taking away from the other. And then this moment happened today. A comment was made and it reminded me that it is my job as their mother to make sure they are both treated equally. The only way I can do that is to continue to share our journey together. As a growing family of four.
This is my second pregnancy. I have two children. Each deserves to be loved and cherished in their own ways. No matter what tomorrow brings, I am a momma of two. And no one can ever take that away.