Current Events: Aurora and Child Loss

July 25, 2016

It’s been a few weeks since the shooting in Aurora, Colorado. Unfortunately, there are now dozens of grieving parents who have joined one of the world’s lousiest clubs. Most of those children killed were  teenagers  or young adults. But there was an exception. A 6-year-old girl, Veronica Moser-Sullivan, was killed. In addition, a 3-month-old was injured in the shooting

For many, the reaction to that news was to question the wisdom of the parents for bringing a 6-year-old and a 3-month-old to a midnight show in the first place. I don’t want to accuse people of placing blame, per se, but as a babyloss mom, I can tell you that the mother and father of this 6-year-old will have to live with this and will blame themselves for taking the little girl there for the rest of their lives, to some degree. Even if they work through it in therapy, even if they consciously know that they can’t be held responsible for their daughter’s death, subconsciously, it will always nag at them. They will always blame themselves, so they really don’t need anyone else to chime in.

Besides, there’s now a new development. It was known that Veronica’s mom, Ashley Moser, was injured in the shooting as well. She was shot in the neck and the abdomen. She’s recovering from surgery, but here’s the kicker. She was pregnant when she was shot. She has since miscarried. This is the very definition of a “double whammy.”

I have to wonder: is anyone going to continue point a finger at her for doing something that they feel is irresponsible? Or will they reconsider their position and recognize that Ms. Moser wasn’t irresponsible, she was incredibly unlucky. Instead of blaming the parents of these children, we should be pointing the finger of blame at the one and only person who is responsible for all of these deaths—James Holmes, the shooter.

The fact of the matter is that our world is not safe. Nothing is safe—not completely. We take risks everyday. More people are victims of auto accidents than a shooter’s bullet. We cannot lock ourselves in our houses to keep ourselves and our children safe–it’s impossible

The fact of the matter is that you can do everything right, and something unexpected can occur: a miscarriage, a birth defect, a botched delivery, an infection, a car accident, etc. The point is that it is unexpected. No one goes to a movie expecting to get shot. And it’s a fair assumption that if getting shot at a movie theater was expected, people likely wouldn’t go, unless they had a taste for danger.

Even if Ms. Moser had left her 6-year-old at home that night, she would STILL be a babyloss mom. She needs prayers and positive thoughts, not blame.

Now that we know that little Veronica’s mom has now lost not only one, but two children, let’s lay the responsibility where it belongs, with the man that shot them. That rests squarely with James Holmes.

  • Rachel Kain works in IT to make ends meet, but her real passions are writing, music, food, and yoga. She blogs about motherhood, CHD, child loss, and anything else that interests her at Writers Write. Follow her on Twitter: @rjkain

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