Where am I and how did I get here?
I have embarked on the longest, most prolific journey of my life.
A journey that is transient yet never changing. It is the new constant in my life that I just can’t seem to get used to. Everything changed in one defining moment. 5:38 p.m. on September 4, 2011 was the first moment of this new normal.
Aidan Thomas was born. My heart was forever changed and in that same moment it was broken beyond repair. It was broken so deeply that it left this hole that will never be filled again. It also opened a piece of my soul I never knew existed. It has allowed me to embrace all of the emotions. I appreciate every single day I am given (even the ones that hurt to my very core.) I love more deeply, passionately, and without restraint.
I am a mom. I am a mom with her child in heaven.
The past eight months have been full of so much. They have been growing months. I have grown as a person. My faith has grown with an impenetrable shield.
I am walking. Slow and steady. Sometimes I stumble. Sometimes I am carried, but I am determined to keep moving forward. Because with each step forward is another step towards glory…and Aidan.
Where am I now? I am staring mother’s day square in the face. I am navigating another first. What exactly do I do when a day comes to celebrate all the moms, yet my child is not here? Do I just celebrate with everyone and blend in like years past? Do I avoid it all together? Do I just try and survive and hope that someone has an inkling of understanding?
I don’t know. What I do know is that if you are reading this, you may be in the same place as I. And please know that I understand. I get it. And if I could I would hold each and every hand. I would hug each one of us and just say “Happy Mother’s Day.” I would tell you all how wonderful you are and how amazing you are for your children. I would make sure that you knew that this day was about you too. Because you, my dear sweet friends, have the hardest momma duties in the world.
You live each and every day without your child. And still, you get up. You carry this weight with honor. You are in fact a super hero. We have said the hardest goodbye’s in the world and have survived.
So, no matter where you are in this journey, know this. You are not alone. None of us are.
That’s what this magazine is all about. Encouraging, sharing, bonding. Our strength is in our numbers.
So please, share with us. I cannot pinpoint an exact location. I cannot pinpoint an exact emotion. All I can say is I am here. Still Standing.
Please join us and let us know where you are! We would love if you could share on your own blog and link up below!